All my life, I’ve been told I am worthless, I’ll never amount to anything. I’ll never get a girlfriend. This is what my dad said about me (we don’t talk much anymore) when I did have a girlfriend, “That ugly fucker has a girlfriend!?” I am scared to get in a relationship because I don’t feel good enough for one. Hell, even my ex-girlfriend is dating one of my former friends, we’re not friends anymore for that reason, I guess, he doesn’t reply to my texts. I’m doing my best to stay afloat, but I always feel like I am drowning. I feel alone all the time. Like I have no friends to hangout with. I don’t want to be alone anymore.
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Coming from someone who has had, and still has at times some self esteem issues, I can easily say I relate to this on so many levels. I’ve been obese for nearly all of my adult life. There were so many times when I was younger that I thought “Well I better get a REAL good personality” because I thought no one would want me based on looks.
I’ll tell you what that is. It’s a LIE. It’s not true, and regardless of who’s telling it to you, it’s just not the truth. Fast forward many years later, and I’ve had a lot of failed relationships. I say failed because they didn’t last. Although I can faithfully say that it’s never once been because of how I looked.
You’re not worthless, but I do believe YOU get to determine your own worth. I believe that more than I can tell you, and it took me 25+ years to understand and realize that.
You don’t have to be alone. Become a part of a community, you picked a good one here. Join the discord, and make some pretty freaking awesome friends there.
I’m so sorry that your dad is treating you like this. I come from an abusive family too and my dad is always putting me down. I have no friends around me that I can trust and talk too, as much as that hurts me, I know I will always have people in this community, as will you. Low self esteem is the hardest thing to overcome, I’m still battling with 0, but that’s where community works. We will love you until you can love yourself. Life isn’t all about having girlfriends or boyfriends, at this point it’s about you and your recovery, how you’re going to keep your head above water and not let your father drown you. Have you listened to any of the Truth audios on the HeartSupport app? I think they may be something that’s helpful to you, as well as Dwarf Planet <— a workbook released by HeartSupport to help explore and understand our depression/feelings more.
Hold fast
Kayla
You’re not alone brother. My heart drowns for you.
It’s okay not to belong, that doesn’t mean there isn’t someplace in the world where you do belong. I believe in you.
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