A Wanna Be Leader, But Divided By My Own Afflictions

Hey, I’m new to this, and I’m not sure how to go about this. I am currently in a band where in the lyrics I write, I always talk on a personal level on my own issues about depression and anxiety. Yet, when I talk about these issues they are always present and always affecting me. As soon as I leave that stage of making a speech about personal connection, I immediately turn myself off to anxiety. Any attempt of conversations always fall through, and I feel like a mess, a failure, and most importantly disconnected from those around me. I guess what i’m asking is how do the voices of this site help those on a personal level and take actions towards helping people? I only want to be genuine and use my own experiences to help those who struggle with the same issues that I do. I just want to feel like I made a difference when I leave a venue each night. This disconnection isn’t only on stage, it’s every aspect of my life. I am disconnected from my family and from my friends and i’m terrified of disappointing those around me. Every time someone attempts to get close I just push myself farther away. This has been a struggle of mine for years and I want to overcome this and I want to turn my situation around to help others who suffer the same. Wherever I go depression and anxiety haunts me, and it feels like it will never settle.

Hey Josh, thank you for sharing

From my experience, depression is a constant battle that we will always have to face. We win some days and we lose others. The times we lose can make all our previous victories and efforts feel in vain, but the true beauty in battling depression is rising every new day to fight against it again and strive to be a better person despite what we feel.

I think its awesome that you are pouring your heart out on stage with the intent to help others as opposed to bring glory to yourself. As a musician I truly respect the effort and courage it takes to bring your works out to stage and to the public.

I believe that if you want to make a true difference in the lives of those you perform for and meet, you have to be authentic. Meaningful change is not built on a foundation of dishonesty, and people will see straight through you (not always, but it will happen) if your efforts are a facade. It’s easier said than done, especially while battling depression and anxiety, but its possible. If people see that you are battling through the things you are yet still making huge efforts to connect with them, they will be all the more touched with it (especially if they are struggling themselves).

In my mind this is what heart support is about. We help each other for the sake of helping each other, not because there is something we can immediately gain. We are well aware that the people in this community all suffer in some way but we come together to strengthen each other despite this. Its Beauty in Tragedy.

Lead with humility, authenticity and honesty and I believe you will be successful. Never give up, you have more strength than you know.

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