Why is that i know what to do, and pocess all the tools to change. But i just cant seem to stop doing it. Ive learned and have changed so much but keep going back. Makes for a more shameful person
I can totally relate to those feelings of shame. One thing that I’m learning is that shame isn’t the best motivator. In fact external sources of shame are a huge contributor to why I started self medicating in the first place. Lately my aunt has been telling me that I didn’t get like this in a day I can’t heal it in a day. Reaching out like this and acknowledging the pattern is HUGE. Remember what we practice grows stronger. I know I fall off the wellness path more than I would like to admit. But it isn’t how many times we fall down that matters but how much we get back up. Stay strong.
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I can understand and relate to that. It’s not easy my friend. But that’s why there are so many resources for us to turn to and take advantage as we work our way through our challenges and struggles.
I’m sorry you are having such a hard time right now. I hope you are able to find someone or something that you can reach out to that can offer you some guidance through this. Someone who can maybe help you and hold you accountable as your set goals and work through your recovery and healing.
It’s very hard. But what matters is that you keep trying. Even if you fall. Dust yourself off, get up and try again. Try try again. Keep looking forward.
Set small goals for yourself. Find some healthy things to work on, do and keep yourself busy so that you can be focused on things that are good for you, your health and your life. Things that bring you fulfillment and enjoyment.
What kinds of things do you hope for yourself? What kinds of things do you want? What do you want to see yourself achieve? And what little things can you do to help yourself get to those.
Stay strong my friend.
- Kitty
Thank you for sharing this. I don’t know what addiction you struggle with, but I struggled with self-harm for years. It was something that I knew was wrong and unhealthy, I knew all sorts of other coping mechanisms that I could be using or that would help more but I just didn’t pursue them. It was really hard and I was for sure ashamed about it for a long time. It also just fueled my anxiety and self hate. But I started going to therapy and really working through my anxiety and depression and that helped me a lot.
Addiction is hard, it takes hold and it doesn’t let go. I highly highly recommend pursing professional help if you haven’t yet. There are also a lot of online help for various addiction. Also, maybe look at entering into a 12 step program. They have 12 step for just about everything, it may be something to check out too.
Hold fast, friend,
Hannah Presley
I’ve been fortunate enough to not be addicted to drugs or alcohol, but I have other addictions.
The only advice I have for you (I’m not really sure you’re looking, but I hope you heal), provided your health is not at risk, is to let yourself feel everything you want to bury. It probably sounds tacky and overplayed, like it’s so easy. I know I scream, I cry, I break stuff. That’s the part of healing no one talks about because it’s ugly and hard. I’ve seen sides of myself that scare me, and I’ve literally teetered on the edge of reality and insanity, or at least that’s how it felt to me. Just don’t give up! You’re doing good things and I believe in you.
I thank you guys for responding, I be been addicted to drugs for the last 15 years, and just in the last few years I cut down a lot. But I’m always slipping and using. I’ve lied and lied telling people I’m clean but I’m not. I have found that it’s a lot easier to face everything I deal, which in turn helps me mentally and emotionally. I have hope, purpose, and direction, I am guided by God. But I still take my own way. One day soon I would like to pursue my purpose of helping though with addiction and self harm. To save at least one life. That is why my user name is Aleastone. I have like 300 poems saved for those who hurt and are in pain. And i want those people to see that stuff. But it all gets put to the side because I can’t seem to stop using. It sucks I don’t want that crutch anymore.
An addiction is simply that, an addiction and once in recovery and working to get away we never truly get away. It’s hard to walk away form something that you thought helped. Whether it be self harm, eating disorders, drugs, alcohol, porn, there’s a reason it became an addiction. It’s easy to know the steps to get away from it but it’s hard to actually do those steps. I wish you didn’t feel shame in this because there is no shame in recovery. Mess ups happen and that’s part of it but it’s how you use those mess ups to pave your path that truly count. In the midst of a temptation reach out to someone or come on here and maybe we can help you through it! You are loved and have so much ahead of you 
-Maddie