I’ve been struggling with depression for years now and everything feels like it’s getting worse. My mother is suffering for several diseases, I’m being bullied for having autism in school. It’s not something I can help or get rid of, I’m stuck with this “gift” forever. Because of all the bullshit that’s been happening to me, I’ve fallen down a deep hole full of drugs, alcohol, and razor blades. I started chewing tobacco when I was 15 and then I switched to smoking when I was first turned 17. I started experimenting with other drugs like weed, muscle relaxers, Xanax, and drinking like a fish. I’ve passed out in my own vomit from drinking so much because of the bullying and shit that goes on in my life. And the self harm… that’s where it gets very bloody. Week after week I would come home from school crying because my mom was to busy getting fucked up on drugs and my dad was working all the time so I had no one there for me… that’s when I pulled out my knife and started cutting, then it turned into burning myself, hanging attempts, overdose attempts, etc. Some nights I just wish God would just take me in my sleep. Take me away from all this pain. I feel alone, I feel helpless. I feel like I’m in too deep…
You are not alone. You are loved. I understand where you are. I have not been in you exact situation but I live with the same darkness and despair from my past. I know the rawness, the feeling you are screaming inside and no one seems to hear you. We hear you. I understand the need to drown out your pain but drugs and alcohol are not the answers, that path will bring more sorrow. I am sorry you are bullied by hateful people. You are beautiful, you are loved and you are a gift, you are not alone.
@Angelofpeace917 thank you for posting and reaching out. I’m sorry that you’re dealing with all of this right now. I’ve self harmed since I was 9 years old, used prescription pills since I was 16 and attempted suicide many times, I’m now 22 and still struggling. I felt like I was stuck in a cycle of these things forever and frankly, I still do on most days. Please reach out to people in the community, you’re not in too deep. These people are the reason I’m still alive. Let them help you too.
Hold Fast
Kayla
Hey friend,
I’m glad you’re here and I’m glad you’re sharing your pain and struggles with us. That vulnerability takes a lot of strength, so thank you for that. I just want you to know that you’re not alone in this. I know it feels like it, especially with your family not being the support system you need. But this community is full of people who get what it is to struggle and hurt like this. You’re not gonna be judged or bullied here, and we’re always here to listen. I hope you can find peace and hope, friend. Your life is worth living and it really can get better. If you want to seek help and begin a recovery from the things you’re struggling with, we can help you out and offer suggestions, resources, and our own experiences. When you’re ready for more, we’re here. You’re not alone in this and you matter. You don’t deserve what’s happening to you. You deserve love and peace and hope. Keep holding on.
Hi dear! omg you’re so strong! even if you don’t think so.
I can’t imagine the size of your pain, I’ve been through some shit but never this kind.
I’ll just say that maybe you need to find someone who understands you or just listens to you. People can be such a piece of shit! Those fuckers who bully you are just don’t happy with themselves so they need to make you feel bad just to feel better. DON’T LISTEN TO THEM, NEVER!
And please I beg you, don’t do drugs! Just try, please. I can’t stand that you destroy yourself in that way, you’re worthy, a lot!!!
If you need anything please write to me, and keep going that everything is going to be better someday 