I had a huge fight with my mom. She said some hurtful things to me, but she doesn’t really recall them. We were both yelling and angry. This has happened before, and the last time she sat me on a couch and started the “making up” talk. My sister is trying to get one of us to apologize, because in a way, both of our tempers started it. I want to apologize, but I don’t know how. And it’s killing me. I feel awful. I care about my mom very much, but I don’t know what to do to make it better. I don’t know how to apologize, and I feel like I really need to learn how, for dealing with people in the future. I feel so insecure about it. I’m used to defending myself. I feel like I’ll lose part of me or she won’t forgive me or I’ll make things worse.
Please advise me.
Next time you’re emotions get stirred. Confirm your thoughts by asking questions. If you are afraid you’d overreact then maybe it is best to leave for a walk until you’ve calm down then return to give a response.
At times this is what I do. Sometimes it is hard to do especially when you’re angry or feel the need to defend yourself. Sometimes it is best to pause before making any action or reaction.
Hey @Bvblover16
It sounds like you and your mom have a lot of difficulty communicating with each other. But I can absolutely hear that you love her very much and that you care about your relationship with her. I admire you a lot for wanting to be the one to apologize and try and make up. I know I have a hard time apologizing to people sometimes simply because of pride, you know?
My relationship with my mom has been strained for most of my life. We are very very different people and we do not communicate the same way whatsoever. But something that helped sooooo much was sitting down with her, actually with a therapist but you don’t need a therapist there at all, but a third party, maybe a friend or something, and we basically just talked about the different ways that we communicate and show love and what different ways might help our communication more.
Maybe something like that would help you. I know that you care so much for you mom and for your relationship with her, and that’s reallt what matters the most.
Hold fast,
Hannah
Hey, thanks for sharing.
I’m sorry you’ve had such a tough time with your mom, you must feel absolutely exhausted and frustrated from these recurring fights. I think that no matter what, your mom will forgive you if you decide to apologize. Being the bigger person can be very moving and even inspiring for a parent as it shows a lot of maturity on your end and could prevent these kinds of things from happening in the future. At the same time, no matter how much you guys fight I know that deep down your mom knows you love her; no amount of fighting will change that. Maybe try bringing up the things she said to you to show that her words have such a negative effect on you. These kinds of dynamics at home are really hard, but I know you’ll pull through. Remember that you are strong, worthy, and loved. We believe in you.
Hold fast,
Jaden