Ok, I guess I’m just having to work on getting better at sharing and being honest with the community and so I’m here again.
I’ve fallen back into the cycle of self harm I was in before, feeling the urges coming on, but trying to handle them on my own instead of reaching out and just cutting anyway. This time I was literally in a HS related stream with so many people I care about and I still decided to just walk away and do it.
I found out someone I love has just completely blocked me without giving any reason and I don’t know why, the last thing I said was that I loved this person (they said they loved me as a friend, i replied) and then suddenly… the last few weeks, I’ve just been blocked. I don’t know what I do to make people hate me so much. I don’t understand. Why does everyone just walk away from me?
I don’t know anymore how to stop it this time
nobody hates you here, we all love you. how could we not, you’re a beautiful young woman, and from what I can tell, with a beautiful personality. Let’s also not forget that you are strong for even sharing. * huggies *
Slipping back into that cycle can feel really shitty, and I know because I’ve been there. I’m sorry that this person blocked you - just know that whatever the reason, try not to blame yourself. The HS community has got your back through everything
and we’re proud of you for reaching out. Slipping up/going back to that place does not define you. We want to see you through recovery, and that has ups and downs.
You’re such a huge part of this community and I wish I could give you a fraction of the support you’ve given.
Remember, you are loved because you are breathing.
I’m glad you’re still with us, and that you’re trying to get better.
I’m sorry someone close to you blocked you. I don’t know who or why. Maybe it was a misunderstanding. Maybe they were hurting too much from their own struggles. Maybe they were afraid of losing you and decided to walk away on their own terms instead of waiting for the sword of Damocles to drop. Maybe it’s temporary and they just needed a break. I don’t know. Wild guesses based on the little pieces you’ve given. It hurts not to know. But don’t let that define you. There are others who care about you. It’s hard to see someone you care about struggling so much, but don’t let that keep you from reaching out and trying to get better. Don’t let what’s going right (and what could potentially go right) get drowned by what’s gone wrong.
Thank you so much for sharing this with us. I know it’s never an easy thing to talk about. As someone who struggled with self harm for years, I know how relapse can feel like a constant downward spiral and like you have to fight it all on your own. But I promise you that relapse is just a part of recovery. I promise that you are not alone. You’re never alone in this community. You are so strong and you are so loved. We are here for you. We want you here with us. You’re a huge part of this community and we would be absolutely recasted to lose you. Stay strong, friend.
hold fast