Hi. I just found this group. I have a brain tumor and I am exhausted physically and mentally. I don’t know where to begin. Today I am depressed I been in bed all day. I am depressed because I feel helpless I feel like I am a loser. I can’t work because of horrible nerve pain I can be ok some days and out of the blue be horrible pain. So I cant be dependable for a job. I can’t afford the treatment I need its alternative treatment because medication didn’t work for me and wasnt covered anymore. My boyfriend of 6 half years is an alcoholic and he drinks so much that he wets himself in his sleep. He can be really mean at times as well. We live together and have a home but sometimes i wish i can afford to get my own place but struggle to have food let alone my own place. I do odd jobs when i can like painting or cleaning and i know the painting isnt good for my health but sometimes im so helpless to make money. My boyfriend has money left to him by his mom that passed away. I know its not my money and I feel bad about thinking and my heart breaking because how can he love me and know he has the means to help me but he refuses to use any to help me. He complains about money all the time and how i don’t have a job. My mom is with an abusive man she been married to for years and he manipulates and controls her and refuses to work or do anything to help. I guess I followed a simular path. Idk why. I am feeling so lost and alone. I have memory problems and I feel helpless that if i did get a job to make money for my health that I feel no one would keep me or want me because I am not as smart anymore. I am not sure what to do. I am just feeling so alone.
Sounds like your dealing with some pretty hard stuff. But I’m sure that everyone on this website is here because they care and want to help. It sounds like your boyfriend is not a person you want to live with. If you have a friend that tells you that you can stay with them, I think you should leave him because he sounds awful. If there’s a reason you have for not doing that, It would be helpful to know
Hi thank you for replying. I really don’t have any friends lots of them kinda drifted when i became sick. I also i think distanced myself before that because of the emotional abuse and I was always a bit antisocial anyway. So little friends I had either moved away or kinda weren’t really friends at all. I can’t afford to leave rooms in someones home here cost 4 times more than my part of the morgage. I keep hoping to get better so I can afford to have my own place.yet I feel like maybe that will never happen. He just finished blaming me for being sad today saying it ruined his day. I tried to make his steak because it would be expired if it wasnt cooked tonight. He got mad and asked me why i would do that and why dont i leave his stuff alone. I keep thinking maybe if i show kindness he can begin to see it. Idk I wiah things can be better soon
Do you have siblings you can ask to stay with?
I’m sorry you’re going through such a hard time. Is there anyone around you that you can stay with? I think it would be an idea if you could speak to your boyfriend. Go with him to get some help. It’s scary having to make that first move as an addict. Reaching out was THE hardest thing I’ve ever done because I knew it meant everything I know and do has to change. You can get through this. You’re strong and you’re a fighter.
Hold fast
Kayla
Hey @EarthOwl,
First off, I want to welcome you to HeartSupport! I hope that you find a sense of safety and refuge within this amazing community.
I’m terribly sorry to hear about your brain tumor. I follow a YouTuber who recently just had surgery for her tumor, and although she said the process wasn’t fun, she said that she’s doing much better now - so hopefully something to look forward to!
Whether or not you have a job, it’s pretty rude of your boyfriend not to help you, so you’re not alone in thinking that. If my girlfriend had a freakin’ tumor and couldn’t afford it then I would do anything in my power to help her. So know that it is not your fault that no one seems to be reaching out to help. Would your mom allow you to stay with her rent-free while you try to get back on your feet? Or brothers/sisters? Tumors can be pretty serious so I’d recommend the alternative treatment as soon as possible - can your bank provide you with a loan? Or, I know there are other loan companies as well. Please keep us updated!
-Eric
Thank you so much for taking the time to care. You and everyone here. I can’t get surgery unfortunately. The bank wont give a loan to someone who has a serious illness i suppose for obvious reasons that they dont know if they would ever get it back. I wish it was possible. I can’t stay with my mom her husband controls everything hes really an mean and toxic person. Thank you for reasuring me that I am not expecting too much I think my boyfriend uses a lot of gaslighting on me. I don’t think hes a horrible person I think hes mentally ill. I am an only child to my Mom. My father is mentally ill and verbally abusive but i didn’t know that until 7 years ago because i hardly saw him growing up. So its not healthy there either. Its so fustrating and i feel so helpless at times. I use to be so postive and always be the go to for advice regardless of my abusive childhood. I guess I just over time get so fed up I don’t find the strengh to be postive or to love the things i use to its scary as well. I once googled how you can order the stuff they give pets to put them asleep. I know thats horrible I don’t think I could ever do that. Just feeling like I am running out of time and solutions
How much money do you need for surgery? We could set up a fo fund me page, in sure plenty of people would be happy to help
Oh. No I am sorry I wasn’t clear. I can’t have it because its inoperable. I live in Canada it would be free otherwise. Money issues are regarding alternative treatment like shots and cannabis oil that turns out to be 1200 a month. I have tried that gofundme and months went by and nothing happened. Other sites don’t accept you making a fund me for alternative treatment its really unfair. Thank you for your message anyhow.
I’m sorry you have to go threw that. You should apply for Medica it’s a medical insurance that covers everything. I have it. I only use it for dental and if theirs something really wrong with me I go to the doctor and use my Medica other then that I don’t go to doc much. I heard stories how people go to doc way to much. But they all look healthy and functioning. Seem like advantages. But you are very concerned about your heath so have Medica they will help you.
I am sorry that you are going through so much. I wish you had somewhere else to live. You don’t deserve to be treated the way your boyfriend is treating you. Know we are here for you.
Thank you. I called to speak to someone and they do not pay or help pay for alternative treatment. I have no idea really what that place is he was very vague in explaining it to me. Yet i am aware ots a place for physicians. What do you use it for? I have OHIP so all my Drs appointments are free anyway. Thanks for your support. Disability pays for dental.
Thank you so much. I’m feeling anxiety about it I never really had anxiety now im shaking when i know he will be home. I am going to try my best to stay positive its all I have right now.