the last two weeks have really taken a toll on my emotional strength. I first lost my uncle to suicide. A few days later i was counseling a family that i have known for years through numerous issues including the eldest son going to jail for a hit and run charge. Everyone in the family wants to blame something else other then their own choices but they all look to me to fix it even though im hundreds of miles away with my own life. Then this morning i found out my friend luke passed away from cancer. Physically and logically im doing fine but im just emotionally stagnate. Its like carry a ball and chain around lately cuz my uncle called my mom and was basically saying his goodbyes. My dad (who was a hostage negotiator) was able to get him to promise to call us in the morning. I was waiting for him to calm down a little before calling him myself and talk to him about staying strong. I felt that if i spoke to soon it might only add pressure to him instead of provide encouragement. But he took his life before i called and now i have this empty bag of words that i cant do anything with and all things i had practiced to say just keep running through my head. My friend Luke was a big help when i was really struggling a few years ago with depression and i never got to thank him. He was in a touring band so communication wasn’t very strong between us always and now i regret not telling him the impact he had on my life before he passed. Those two things with the need to keep pressing forward to be there for my mom, for my friends, church, families that look up to me and my own family has left me in emotional limbo. Having dealt with depression before i can tell that this is a pivotal moment and i thought it was a good idea to reach out and take the first action in being proactive for my mental health. Thank you - Bray aka (Casual Hero)
Maybe writing a letter to both your Uncle & Luke will help you out a bit. Say everything you wanted to say to them in this letter.
A lot of people use this method to help them cope with their grief/regret. (If you want to add an extra step. You can burn these letters and wish that your friend & uncle recieve your words in their passing. Then if there are any ashes bury them under a tree not in the yard but nearby.)
Not much help, but at least it is something.
May time give you peace. Blessed Be.
hey friend, i’m so sorry to hear about your loss.
i’m praying for you and you fam.
This isn’t much but i think this blog will help <3
I’m not in too good a place mentally right now - but I want to say I’m so sorry for all your loss. I love you friend. Keep fighting, keep reaching out <3
Hold Fast
Kayla
my stream of consciousness thoughts from Twitch chat:
- Hi causal hero sending some love your way
- It’s never easy to lose a loved one. But losing several in a short period of time is overwhelming. It happened to me 5.5 years ago
- Stay in touch with trusted friends and family who you know can listen to your feelings and love you and support you
- It would’ve been so easy for 2013 me to shut myself away from other people and just try to deal with my thoughts and feelings on my own. That’s what I used to do. I tried doing the opposite by reaching out, even though it was scary and uncomfortable. A fun side effect was that I became closer to my sister and my other friends, because they appreciated that I trusted them with these personal issues of mine.
Hey @Casual_Hero,
I’m so sorry to hear about your uncle and your friend Luke. I want to echo what @MentallyillGamer said about writing a letter to both of them. Then maybe put the notes in a box the bury them, sort of like a time capsule. It’s one of the tactics that my counselor used on me regarding dealing with anxiety/depression - to write “anxiety” and “depression” a letter, and to bury it. Surprisingly, you’ll feel a little better after doing so.
Keep pushing. You’re strong! You got this.
-Eric
Casual_Hero: I lost 5 close friends in 5 years, 4 were suicides and 1 was due to a brain tumor and he passed away within 2 months of diagnosis (my best friend). I get how hard it can be when people are counting on you to solve their problems, and I get how confusing this kind of loss can be. I wish this wasn’t happening to you, I wish it wasn’t happening at all. Just know you are not alone, you are strong, you are human, none of this happened because of anything you did, from what you said, at no point did you intentionally hurt someone. This can be a VERY pivotal point in life, and it’s up to you, the way you are looking for support, it shows you can make this a positive pivot, an area for growth, change and being a better you. Don’t let life kick you when your down, I hope we can help you stare life in the eyes and tell it that you are stronger than anything it can throw your way. <3 Everything you are feeling is so… human, there’s nothing wrong with it. We’re here for you man, I’ll be keeping you in my heart.
I apologize for all the words, I have so many thoughts and I’m well known for being long-winded IRL. You can honor these people in your daily life, it might take some time to figure out how to do that for them… I have written numerous letters. I go to my best friend’s grave as often as possible and leave something behind every time as a metaphorical way of leaving behind a piece of myself, but also leaving behind my grief. I also try to live my very best life, knowing that my friends and loved ones can’t do that anymore.
Hey Casual, im so sorry to hear of your losses Casual; I lost my father suddenly last year and I never had the chance to say goodbye due to living away from home. The pain is still there today, even after more than year. Sometimes the pain of the loss is greater now than it was in the following months of his death.
hey casual hero, sorry things are so difficult for you right now
@Casual_Hero In 2012 I was interning at the church Mars Hill out at the West Seattle Campus the family was sponsoring me which I am still grateful for housing me the father of the house and I did not get along. He and I just did not see eye to eye. My dad came and visit and the first the thing the father told my dad was Hi we have been loving on Morgan and he needs Jesus and Lots of it. Mind you there were more words said to my dad that were really low. I ended up moving to a different house closer to the church so that I could get there faster. This November his daughter told me that they found her dad dead. I never got to confront him and tell him how wrong he was about me and how wrong he treated me. What took finally moving on from that was remembering that people thoughts that are negative thoughts though maybe for good in their eyes should never be my identity. I know where my life is at I know who I am. I will say I still love the guy and the family.
kayla it has been so amazing to get to know you and hangout during the fundraiser. you are greatly appreciated and victory is on the horizon, just one step at a time. Stay strong.
ya that may be a great way to get some closure thank you for the suggestion.
that you for the article and most of all your prayers! some people say that praying with or for someone is the least they could do but i disagree. Your prayers mean more then you will ever know 
thank you for being willing to be here with me through this. i think not being alone gives me the strength to let my guard down and maybe some of those emotions will start to run their course naturally.
thank you Eric i agree with you guys. i believe it can create a form of closure that i didn’t get. thank you very much.
thank you for all the encouragement. its actually very motivating and recharging to hear. i can can actually feel myself getting excited writing these replies back. you guys are amazing and this community is powerful!
We’re here for you! Much love! <3 <3
Tom im very sorry to hear about your loss i know how much my own father has impacted my life and losing that corner stone would affect me. Your willingness to be open with me is heart warming and i can say that your words are very powerful and i can see you care.
feengid thank you soo much for letting me know that im not alone. It is so powerful and i cant thank you enough.