So, eight years ago, My stepfather’s best friend was killed in a car accident on PEI, a little island province in Canada. When we got the message that he was killed, I was only seven at the time, and didn’t really comprehend what was happening. Only now, with me getting my drivers license in January, and the higher amount of deaths in Alberta (my province) by collision involving alcohol, I’ve finally began to process what has happened, and I should have known why he was drinking, which eventually killed him. He was depressed with the downturn in the economy out here, he move back east and started drinking more because he was depressed.
Now that I can understand what’s going on, it’s hard to go around my house, let alone town without mentally shutting down and dwelling on what happened. I regret so much that I was so oblivious, and just kinda shrugged it off, like he was going to come back one day.
I dunno. It’s just, I can’t seem to go day by day without my thoughts slowly creeping over to his death. I just feel like i should have known what was really happening, and that there was something I could’ve done.
I’m so sorry you’re going through. It’s not your fault, a lot of the time addicts will keep their addiction to themselves, even hiding it from those they love most. I hid mine for nearly 7 years. It’s not fair to blame yourself. You will get through this. If you can, I’d advise therapy/counselling, even online if in person isn’t an option. Remember you’re not alone.
First off I want to just remind you that you were 7 years old- those kinds of things don’t always make sense at that age.
When I was about 7 as well my Grandfather passed away- I never really knew how I just knew he died and that was that.
It wasn’t until honestly maybe a year ago that I actually found out the reasons as to why he died. He didn’t take his medication which he needed to live- he was an alcoholic. I realized a lot of wrong things he had done.
It’s hard to let go of the thought that we could have done more- but we have to learn to let it go. We have to learn that what was done was what could be done- at that age we couldn’t do anything more. I couldn’t make my grandfather take his medication and I couldn’t stop him from being an alcoholic.
I can’t stop my friends from doing what they are about to do- I can’t control other people and neither can you.
What was done was what could be done. You couldn’t have done anything more.
I hope you will learn to release these thoughts and emotions and allow them to be free. I believe in you.