Guilt of being alive

So, I have a lot going on right now… A few things resurfacing that I wish NOT to remember, like being sexually assaulted, issues with abandonment and some newer things taking turns, which, I don’t like. I struggle to deal with situations I’m similar to, let alone completely new things. I know that sometimes we can’t control things that happen, but, I feel so much guilt over it all at the moment. I’m slowly starting to see how different things AREN’T actually my fault, but, I feel like I’m coming to a road block. I’m not sure how to move forward when it feels like everything has come to an abrupt stop.
My therapist things the guilt isn’t about what’s actually happening around me, but that it’s guilt for even just being alive and existing, which would make sense… I’m not sure how to even go about working on “clearing” that though. We’re working on it in our sessions, but surely there is something I can do outside of them, or even with the communities support?
I’ve recently started exploring faith, something that I never had any experience with, other than my parents negative opinions on it. I’ve began praying every morning (which is something a recovering addict/alcoholic like myself should be doing anyway), which honestly, on the days I do pray, they’re easier to get through than the days I don’t, however, part of me is still in that mindset of “well, how can you believe in something/someone you cannot see?”
If anyone has any advice on any of this at all… It would be grately appreciated…

I suggest challenging the guilt or thoughts triggering the guilt. Use DBT or CBT methods that could help you out with your problem. I suggest writing in a journal of sometime focusing on your moods. Pay attention to them because they’ll give you hints on whether or not you’re getting better or worse. (I use a tarot app on my phone that focuses on my moods called the golden tarot) I also write about my day in a blog that is mainly for myself. I find this helps me (of course, I use a thareapist as well).

Hey there,

I think it is really wonderful that you are in therapy and working through these feelings of guilt during your sessions. That really takes a lot of strength to do! I also want to thank you for reaching out here! When those thoughts of guilt and blame surface, I would encourage you to take a step back and ask yourself whether it is true or not. Trauma has a way of changing the way we view ourselves and lies can start to find their way in and make us feel guilt and shame.

As far as exploring faith, I think that is really wonderful! I know the idea of believing in something you can’t see is strange, but I would encourage you to continue praying and just talk with God about your struggles, thoughts, fears and anything else you want to. Give it to Him and know that He does hear you. Working through this takes a lot of strength, and I believe you will be able to work through this road block and finding healing! Stay strong friend.

Hannah Rhodes