I have the overwhelming urge to kill myself and I don’t know why. I even planned the whole thing in my head. Right here in this room. And In the bathroom. Even in the field of this school. What is wrong with me? Why am I so stupidly selfish? I feel like I have no point in this life except to endure pain. I hate myself so fucking much. Now I can know another reason why nobody likes me. No one cares about me. Everything about me is bland. I’m easily forgettable.
1 Like
I am not in school. I am an adult. I experience this when I was younger in school as well as now as an adult.
I don’t think you’re bland. I think you believe that you are. I suggest you ask those you know irl that are close to you. They’ll most likely tell you that you matter. This happened to me with someone I consider a close friend. I told them that I wanted to kill myself. I told them why, the reason & the fear behind why I feel that my option was to just kill myself. They told me how much that I mattered to them and how much I’ve helped others. This made me realize two things. 1) People do care about me. 2) I am not a bland person or worthless.
It is pretty hard to forget people that you care about. I am 38 yrs. old. My grandma died when I was 8. I’ve got an older halfbrother that is missing. I have known him maybe a total amount of a year my entire life and yet I think about him every day.
Absolutely nothing from my experience. We’ve all got issues. Some of us just want to kill ourselves and this is part of our issues. (for whatever reason they may be)
BE strong. I hope only good for you.
Honestly, I understand this so much. I’m the black sheep of my family and my boyfriend can get cranky easily, so sometimes dying just seems like the easiest/best option, but then I think about how everything would be if I were to off myself. My boyfriend is already depressed, offing myself would just send him over the edge. My poor dog would be so worried about why she couldn’t find me anymore, which honestly would probably drive my boyfriend to commit suicide as well. And as much as my family disapproves of my actions, I know that at the end of the day, even though they really don’t know how to show me love without making me feel like shit about myself first, I know that they would be devastated.
I used to have a friend a few years back that dated my best friend. Long story short he ended up committing suicide probably about 2 years ago now and she still can’t forgive herself even though the reason why had completely nothing to do with her. She still messages me at 1 am trying to figure out what she could’ve done better. She started day drinking, she had to move back in with her parents, over all a very messy situation that could’ve very easily been avoided had he sought actual treatment from a professional rather than treatment via massive amounts of alcohol.
Basically, what I’m trying to say is give yourself a chance. Take care of yourself, take some time to take a bubble bath or just something that makes you feel relaxed and great. Do anything to realize how good being human can be. Don’t completely destroy others lives just because you’ve hit a rough patch in yours.
I believe in you, and this community loves you. If you don’t have anyone to do this for, then do it for us. We want nothing more than to see you succeed. 
you are not alone in this , this past couple days, i wanted to die. people like you , people care about you. and you are not forgetable , you are so loved and your life is precious.
When I was in 2nd yr of college my father suffered a stroke and doctors said that it was a very slim chance of him surviving, after watching over him in the hospital far away, I finally got back to my hometown and college, i had two weeks of material to go through for exams in 2 days, and i was also busy taking care of my dad at home, then my girlfriend at the time started an argument about me not having time with her and broke up with me, i was so broken inside, i thought of jumping of the school building, hanging myself, cutting my wrists, because it hurt so much, i was physically, mentally and emotionally tired from taking care of my father, cramming materials in 2 days for exams, and from my girlfriend breaking up with me when i needed her the most.
i tried blindly walking on a busy road with a car hitting my backpack almost taking me down with its speed, everything flashed, and i saw all the happy memories i made and that i wanted to make more, make more friends, have more experiences.
slowly i got myself back together, started hanging out with my friends again, talking to them about my situation really helped me, i also started sketching and it helped me get things off my mind, i also started playing guitar and it helped me relax whenever i remembered what happened, i also started exercising and went to the gym because i became underweight during that ordeal.
you are not alone dominion, i know it seems hard to open up to family members but please do try to do so. you can hang out with friends and you can start to take up new stuff and it will be refreshing. i have also had the feeling that the whole world is against you and that you only get pain and suffering to endure, but seeing memories flash before my eyes really opened me that i didnt want a permanent solution to a temporary problem.
we have all gone through the feeling of hating ourselves, but just know that your personality may seem bland to you but for some others its just what they want. you don’t have to change who you are to please others but you can change yourself for your own good and self love.
just know that you are not alone, and that you are loved, even though we may not know you we still care about a life of a person who is struggling.
i hope you get better soon!
Dominion, first off, I am so very sorry to hear about this. MY advice to you would be to get some help from a therapist/counselor who is trained in this kind of stuff. I, too, can relate to where you are right now. I’ve been in your shoes before, and I’ve even attempted suicide, but let me tell you HOW INCREDIBLY HAPPY I AM TO BE HERE. Depression is a bitch and it makes you feel like nobody cares about you- I have both depression and anxiety so I get it. But please believe me when I tell you that people CARE. There are people around you who love you and care about you. There are so many ways to cope with depression- medication, going for a walk, working out. Everyone’s self care is different. I enjoy working out when I’m feeling down, PLUS my medication helps. You have a full life ahead of you, please be well. We care. I’ve been there, I still struggle. Love yourself and seek help.
Hey Dominion,Thanks for reaching out ive been learned to love my self hen you where back in middle school i struggled with anxiety and lost my best friend since kinder garden and was bulled i had suicidal thoughts but i went and got help and now have friends and learned to love my self i would like to recommend you reach out to a therapist or some professional help and know that there are people who care about you the first step is learning to love your self
We are a little late with the reply here friend but remember you are NOT alone
I once tried to end it all for myself, but I am SO SO SO glad I didnt.
Here is our advice…
1 Like