Feen had trauma to left side of face leaving internal scars, its still numb, puffy and i can’t smile fully.
Similar to my face, im numb and forgot how to feel anything. Just have to get that off my chest.
Feengid,
Can totally relate to feeling internally numb. Sorry about the physical trauma and about all the stuff that led to the emotional trauma. It can be really scary to feel paralyzed, to feel locked up inside and to feel scared to look inside and figure out what’s the matter…it’s almost like all of the pain from your past are skeletons in the closet, but the numbness you feel is like jamming a chair up against the door and feeling like everything’s eerily quiet…you know they’re still in there, but they aren’t jostling around or jumping out, so things sound quiet but they’re just locked away, and you don’t know how to access them or if you want to access them, you don’t know how to feel really anything, because the crazy thing is that experiencing life you have to go through those skeletons to get there…so not only have you locked the bad out, but you’ve locked the good out too…it feels like you’re alone and trapped in this room void of emotion, and you don’t know how to get out, but you certainly don’t want to go through all of the pain to get there…as long as everything’s quiet, you’re okay staying in here…but over time, you know it’s not a safe place to be because the numbness can erode your soul like no other, and over time, you feel like it’d eat you from the insides out, and so you’re wanting to feel again, but you don’t know where to start. So you just said something in hopes that it could help stir things up again.
And I love that you chose to do that. So happy that you got these thoughts out of your head because you’re not alone, and by talking about it, you’re actually positioning yourself to feel again, to conquer this stillness, to surmount the courage and the strength. I believe in you, friend.
-Nate
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thanks Nate, i’ve read your reply many times and since written it down on paper reciting it multiple times hoping it will really sink in.
I am so sorry that happened to you. I love that you were able to get these words off your chest, and I’m glad I was able to hear your thoughts too. Thank you for sharing. Good on you for talking and continuing to fight. We love you and are here for you, my dude. I hope you find more strength everyday, and I hope the pain eases soon.
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