Okay so for about the past like past 4 months or more I have been trying to find a job well more than that but been struggling. I tried to get on disability (ssi) but failed long story short there but wont go into why that failed. Due to all my stupid health and disabilities I go all the way to get the interview and than get the interview and than the people meet me and are like wait what we didnt know you were DISABLED. I end up having to explain a bunch of my health issues and explain how I can do stuff and how I cant blah I feel like crap. So far it feels like nothing is working. I have nothing coming in. Right now I am failing and it is sucking so much life out of me and I hate it. I dont know what more I can do. I feel like I am just failing at life and that why keep going. I AM USELESS TO LIFE. Right now I just want to curl up in a ball and not come out. If I cant help bring in funds to keep myself afloat like right now my roommate legit is threatening to move home and I am at risk of loosing my place of living and I am at risk of so much. Like it scares me. Last night I saw one of my blades and just wanted to harm. I see myself as worthless so why do I keep going. If I cant help why do I keep going. Each day I struggle to not just ended while my roommate is at work. But there is currently no jobs that I can do.
I am just a messed up failure because I cant be normal like every other human.
Disabledmetalfan