I am Lost, depressed and miserable

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Not in Who or what I am. Just finding where I am or belong. No matter where, when, will be, I just don’t feel that I will ever find a home, be home or belong. I find myself falling apart every time I am awake and breathe. It gets worse as I connect and interact with people. As I get to know them, learn about them and grow to like them.

When I begin to care for them and want to encourage them, support them and be there for them. Knowing that as I am feeling the hurt, knowing betrayal, that I most likely will never trust them as I should. That I will never be able to properly say “I love you.” Where there is no trust there is no love. Always be lonely and alone.

It triggers me, especially when you know the only times you feel relieved of the agony is either when you sleep & don’t dream or when you are trying to help others. Then you witness the ones you help or support or care about living their lives and get hurt. Worse when it is part of their work. When you advise, suggest or warn them, but they choose to ignore you.

Then you feel it again. Not knowing, the hurt, the wanting to just let it be and to let it go. Why care? Why wanting it all to stop even though you know it won’t.

Best to avoid the drama, triggers, trouble even if the ones you care about get harmed. Why make yourself suffer? Yourself, I am the problem. Why can’t I just stop?

Do the Bucket list. Fulfill & Finish it. Then it won’t matter. It will end. You’ll have no regrets.

(Sorry, I know some of this makes little sense. I just needed to get it out.)

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Hey, @MentallyillGamer. You’ve helped me alot on here before, and knowing someone who feels like also don’t belong and is depressed makes me feel less alone. I hope it does the same for you too. I believe in you, always will. Don’t give up on yourself ever. You might not know how much you are worth.

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@MentallyillGamer

Your post makes sense. I relate of what you said. When my loved ones failed me, I lost my trust in them. On the contrary, I forgave them. I need to learn to accept reality. Things won’t go my way, and it is not fair for the people around me. We all are learning to cope with our mental health, we’re learning of how to love others, loving ourselves, setting boundaries, and we need to be okay when someone rejects our help. Even if it hurts. They will know in time that you shown them the love they need. You are not alone. I thank you for helping me. I hope this helps. If you need something to share, this forum is open. Once again, thank you. God bless you.

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Just keep on making new friends and being honest with them about how you feel and struggle. The right people will stick with you and help you.

As for helping others, that’s a good start. It takes your mind off yourself.