About two days ago I went to go see Bring Me the Horizon (which was very good btw) in Dallas on Friday night, and after the concert was over I drove home. I made It home about 3 am in Midland Texas. I didn’t have to go to work at the firehouse until the day later (which is today). I got a phone call on Saturday morning at like 9 am from my mom. She called me and asked about the concert. I said I had a good time and all. Then she started crying to me on the phone. I asked her what was wrong, and she said that she needed to ask me a huge favor, if she could come live with me in my house for a while. I asked her why, and she said to me that dad is having an affair.
This came as a HUGE shock to me. A story about my family and myself here:
I am 28 years old. My mom and dad have been married about that entire time, almost since they had me. My parents were teachers. I hardly saw them when I was young because they worked hard, and we were poor. We had to move to Odessa from Amarillo Texas back in the early 90s, to find more affordable housing and to be near my grandparents for some extra help with money and with raising me/picking me up from school. Both my parents did their best for me and later on for my sister when she was born. They raised me as a catholic, and taught me to be good: never steal, hurt people, love your sister, honor thy father/mother etc. My mother has a huge family. Most of her siblings are/have been married. And a full majority of them have a history of failed relationships that have ended in divorce. My father has a smaller family with no said history of divorces. My father and I have a pretty rough past together. He was hard on me growing up and It tarnished our relationship early on. At a young age It was hard for me to tell if he loved me or loathed me. But deep down I think I knew that he meant well. He tried very hard to earn a better life for him and his family. He eventually quit his job as a teacher and went on to business and studied sales to work for a company.
To cut this part of the story short, he and along with my mother made enough money to buy all of us a new house in the “richer” part of the city of Odessa Texas. We have lived there for about over 10 years. I moved out of their house when I was 24 years old. I moved to the next adjacent city in Midland Texas and am doing pretty well for myself. While I was still living with my parents I recall when we moved into that part of town back then I resented the entire idea, like all little kids would naturally feel too when you had to move. The neighborhood that my parents live in feels very negative to me, even more so today. The people that live there are not very kind to others, and the rest of the town resents them and envies the land and the houses they own there. I think that this and apart of some other reasons that I am seeing, and also not seeing right now are the reasons behind my dad’s affair that he’s having behind my mom’s back.
My dad is the kind of person who talks the loudest in the room. He is pushy, he is an extrovert, he is on his cellphone doing sales calls non-stop. Around family members at family gatherings, he does like to set himself on a pedestal. He thinks and even shows others that he is better than you. Better at being Christian, work, status, wealth, recognition, experience, and talents. Behind close doors he talks about my mom’s side of the family and their history failures and mistakes with their children/grandchildren, ex-wives, ex-husbands etc. It is nagging and annoying as hell for me to hear It, and It just adds disdain to my mom.
Me and him are completely different people. He will point out everyone’s weaknesses and drawbacks, but he will exclude himself.
In other words he is a hypocrite.
In light of recent events, this realization that I have had of my father holds even more true. All the time he has lectured me on things, although we have rarely talked about marriage and relationships because It never pertained to me, he has done exactly what he has cautioned me not to do.
Now DON’T GET ME WRONG. I love my father. I love my mother. But I am deeply concerned for their well being. This is the last thing that I need (see my first posts here about my issues with PTSD from Afghanistan, and from being a firefighter/paramedic on my profile), and I don’t want to be dragged into this that It blows up in my face. For the time being my mom is at my house seeking sanctuary. Even now as I am writing out my thoughts here on The Wall. She is hiding from my dad. My dad called her non-stop the entire day Saturday and texting her “please come home”.
According to my mom she has enough evidence and reason to believe that my dad is with a coworker, who we all know very well. This woman is a bit touched and eccentric, and a little too friendly around others to the point where It is awkward, especially to my dad. My mom told me that she found booze laying around the living room. She checked her home security records for evidence and found that the back garage and the garage door were opened late in the evening while my mom was out of town one week. She said that my dad is overprotective of his cellphone and is taking It into the shower, or into the bathroom and she claims that he has never done that before. He told her that they weren’t doing anything funny, but my mom is pretty convinced that he’s lying to her.
I haven’t heard from my dad about this matter yet. I haven’t heard his side. However 5 days ago from today he did call me about mom, If she contacted me. That phone call felt a bit strange to me, as if he was leading onto something about mom. Like letting me know that she was sick or something like that. That’s what It felt like.
I can sense that he is ashamed right now. He hasn’t reached out to me yet. And It is only a matter of time when he comes over to my house looking for my mom.
I don’t know what will happen if in fact It does happen. If I am there and not at work if he comes over, I will seek to ensure nothing violent occurs between them.
I am worried for my mom because she is heartbroken. She plans on going to see her parents out of town later this week. I am also concerned for my dad as well. He is obviously going through a midlife crisis. I know that his company is going under and he will be out of work this June. His benefits are gone. No health insurance will hold over. He is 54, and is overweight, and has a bit of cardiac history of chest pain, but no diagnosis of a STEMI. And recently he lost his father (my grandpa) several years ago that had a profound effect on him and the rest of us. I know that he is afraid and uncertain of many things. I hope he doesn’t do anything reckless today or tomorrow or later this week. I don’t want that phone call coming in from the police department while I am on duty telling me that he got arrested, or worse tried to commit suicide over this ordeal.
I feel that in todays world, our values are totally in the wrong place. But in the end we will all have to conform to It nonetheless. That is adaptation. We have to adapt to our surroundings in order to survive.
The main thing that our society in America preaches today is the importance of the Benjamin. I am talking about wealth. People today put value in wealth. To get ahead in life you need to be rich. To have better houses, better cars, better food etc. Its wealth.
How do you get rich? The answer I believe is simple: You have to worship the Benjamin. You cast out all other gods, all other idols, and all morals, even the ones that you posses in your own soul, and submit yourself to the Benjamin. Society holds those that can present and flash big fat checking account on the push of a button on their smartphones as very important people in society. Almost as if they were above the law. They preach that It is all that matters in order to be successful and you have to make It your mission in this life to get ahead the rest of the pack. I can see that everywhere I go. I see It in ADs online, I see It out on the streets in town, I see It on TV, I see It everywhere.
People don’t worship God anymore. People worship the Benjamin. The Benjamin is the new God.
I see that in my dad now.