I can’t do anything right at this point. I push people away from me and I ruin experiences for people. What I find joy in is no longer joyful, its dreadful. I try to make ends meet and I just can’t. I try my best with school and juggling my mental health and my school work but I never can anymore. I can never please anyone, I always have to try harder. I’m thinking a lot about one of my friends who I lost back in February and it hurts having her gone. I just can’t keep on trying in the way I am.
I can’t be mentally okay and please people to the degree I need to.
Hey Ethan, sorry to hear you’re going through this. Losing someone that’s close to you is so hard to cope with. I remember seeing your post about your friend’s kids and how you enjoy their company. Have you arranged any meetings with them? Maybe a different environment could help? I know you’ll pull through. I know you’re strong dep down considering you posted on here and shared your feelings And that’s a great step to take. Just keep grinding and we’re here for you❤️
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Hey friend,
Thank you for sharing. I’m so sorry your going through this right now. It’s so tough to be doing your best and still feel like it’s not enough, I feel the exact same way. Try your best to not think about pleasing other people just do what is best for you. I know the pressure that comes with school and having problems with mental health, it’s like you can’t win. Just do your best and know that, that is all you can do.
I know you said you no longer love the thing that used to make you happy, maybe find something new? Whether you take time to write, learn an instrument, draw, or even just listen to music. Find something that makes you feel even a little bit better.
It’s really tough to lose a friend. I’ve been there. You never quite get over it, it will stick with you but it’s about learning to appreciate that you got to be friends with this amazing person and knowing that they’d want you to be happy and to hold on to the good times and not the fact that you’ve lost them.
Mental health comes before everything. You cannot achieve what you want while your mind is wondering off to this really dark place. It’s ok to feel sad, it’s ok to feel depressed, it’s ok to be angry. You have to put yourself first.
Hold fast friend,
Love Luna 
️
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Ethan,
Sounds brutal to hold the weight of the world on your shoulders. To be responsible for the happiness of others and be crushed by their sadness. To feel alone in trudging forward at school when you’re weighed down by these deafening thoughts. To feel like there are greater expectations on your life than you could ever live up to…it can just be so defeating.
I know the feeling, as I’ve tried to do it in my own life too…I felt like I had to be the best in every circumstance to prove to others that I’m worthy of being loved and worthy of belonging. And it got so exhausting…I just couldn’t be the best at everything, I couldn’t live up to everyone’s expectations, and I started to slowly die inside feeling like I’d never make it, like I’d never prove myself to be worthy.
And what’s brutal and at the same time so relieving is that that very thought – that I have to please others or prove to others in order to be loved – is what keeps us trapped.
You see, for me, having to prove myself to others is conditioning my mind to NEVER ACCEPT MYSELF. Because I believe I have to do X in order to be approved. Which means that I do not accept myself unless X happens. Which means I’m training myself to not accept myself!
Same goes for you. If pleasing others is what you use as your measuring stick of self-worth, then you believe that unless I can make X person happy, I am not worthy. I am worth-less. I am worthless. And so you’re training yourself to believe that you ARE worthless until you can prove yourself to be worthy.
And it’s just not the truth. You and I – Ethan – we are worthy. Right here, right now. Whether or not we succeed at people pleasing or at achieving. We are worthy. We are loved. We matter. Our life has significance. We belong. And we are accepted. THAT is the truth. And whether or not we succeed or people please is a totally separate category. Our IDENTITY is that we are loved. Unconditionally.
Embrace it 
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yeah, this weekend im going to be at their house which is something im very much so looking forward to.
I pretty frequently produce music and play guitar. I listen to music a ton as well, i’m an artist, musician, and a little bit of a writer. im not a hobby kind of person, a lot of what i normally do has been restricted by my broken rib and i guess last night i fell apart finally.
thank you.
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I’m too broken to have worth. I’m too needy to have worth. The least I can do is try and bring that lack of worth I have and try to make sure other people don’t end up like me.
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Hey bro sorry for delay. I know it feels like that’s true, but it’s not.
It was a dark and stormy night.
Crewmember: “Captain, Captain, wake up.”
Captain: “Well?”
Crewmember: “Sorry to wake you, sir, but we have a serious problem.”
Captain: “Well what is it?”
Crewmember: “There’s a ship in our sea lane about twenty miles away, and they refuse to move.” Captain: “What do you mean they refuse to move? Just tell them to move.”
Crewmember: “Sir, we have told them; they will not move.”
Captain: “I’ll tell them.”
The signal goes out: “Move starboard 20 degrees.”
The signal returns: “Move starboard yourself 20 degrees.”
Captain: “I can’t believe this. Well, I mean I’m a captain. Let them know who I am. I’m important.” Signal goes out: “This is Captain Horatio Hornblower XXVI, commanding you to move starboard 20 degrees at once.”
Signal returns: “This is Seaman Carl Jones II, commanding you to move starboard 20 degrees at once.”
Captain: “What arrogance? I mean, what presumption? Here is a seaman commanding me, a captain. We could just blow them right out of the water. We could just let them know who we are.
Signal: “This is the Mighty Missouri, flag ship of the 7th fleet.”
The signal returns: “This is the lighthouse.”
The truth is like a lighthouse. It won’t be moved even if you tell it to. No matter how convinced you are that the lies are true, it’s not, and you will either have to change course or crash yourself against the truth, because the truth isn’t going to move or change. You aren’t too much or too needy or too broken or beyond hope. You are loved, you matter, you are worth it.
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