I can't keep any friends and I don't know why

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Staff Edit from @NateTriesAgain:

50%20AM

If you landed here from Google and feel alone, you can find our best content on friendship issues and loneliness here:

—> HELP WITH LONELINESS <—

Hold fast. We believe in you.

I’m 23 goddamn years old. I am 23, and this is the third time I have lost a group of friends. The first time was when I was 15. I was making friends with other people, and the group of 4 girls I was friends with decided to call me and tell me they didn’t want to be my friend. I tried to kill myself that night by taking a ton of Tylenol PM, which of course did nothing except make me feel super weird.

The second time was when I was 18 or 19, and a long-term boyfriend and I broke up. He broke up with me, it didn’t feel right, there weren’t really any hard feelings, but what hurt the most was that ALL of our friends decided they didn’t want to be friends with me anymore, despite me having known them for years before I had dated this guy.

And the third time is now. 2 girls that I have been friends with for a very long time have made friends with another girl who fucking HATES me. She really, really hates me, and tells them that actually I am the one who hates her (despite me trying to invite her to hang out, texting her, responding to her selfies and complimenting her, doing LITERALLY the same things my friends do). And they invite her around everywhere, and box me out, and barely acknowledge me when they’re with her. And we’re losing our friendship.

I have a therapy appointment scheduled next week. But I don’t know where I’m going wrong. I really don’t. I think I am a good friend. I care a lot about my friends, ask them about their interests, hang out with them as regularly as I can, but still, I cannot seem to keep a single fucking friend. I have a lovely boyfriend who’s helping me out through all this, but I know he’s tired of it. And I feel so incredibly alone.

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@trunkie

I’m sorry you gone through that. This hits home for sure. I am going through loss of friendships too. Weeks ago, someone I know send me texts he ended his friendship with me because we were never close, and he wish me luck in the future. It added another scar in me. I will never understand why people do the things they do. Sometimes, the world gets the best of us. We push others away, hurt, and we regret it. We are the only ones who can change for the better. You being a good friend is amazing. That shows you are loving, caring, compassionate, selfless, and beautiful. You did nothing wrong. Don’t focus on the wrong, but focus on the right. The right is you are important. You matter. You don’t deserve of what you gone through. You didn’t ask for it. It is going to be hard to get better from it, however, you have this community to go through it with you. You are not alone. I hope you are having a restful night. Thank you for sharing your post. If you need to vent more, this forum is open. Hold fast. We believe in you. God bless you.

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Hey @trunkie

I am sorry to hear that these things have been happening to you. Being lonely and feeling like you have no friends really does suck. In my opinion, if you have one or two close friends who you really connect with and can rely on, I feel like you have done well in life.

We can’t force friendship upon others, but we can ensure that we act in such a way that promotes the growth of genuine social connection. What I mean by this is that we should strive to be as authentic as possible with other people (within context, there is no need to share your darkest secrets with a stranger). Honesty goes a long way towards building meaningful connections. If the people in your life don’t want to be friends with you, it doesn’t mean that you are unlikable. More often than not it will probably mean that they don’t want to deal with the challenge of meaningful interaction, but rather want to remain in the comfort of relationships that are superficial and “easier” to maintain. When someone does choose to stick around for the genuine interaction, you can be far more confident that the relationship you have with them is worth something and will last.

I don’t know if I have made much sense but the point I am trying to get at is people are fickle and good friends are hard to come by. Keeping striving towards being the best you can be while also being genuine and you will attract the sort of people into your life who you want to be around.

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Hey Trunkie,

Man does my heart ache for you. Because I have been through this. We love you so much - dont hesitate to call us friends even though i know you cant be near us in our environments.

We have a lot of love and advice to give you today - I hope this helps

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