I hate how I am. Right now I wish I could just sleep and stop thinking. It’s times like this when I get stuck with my thoughts and I feel worthless.
I feel like a burden. I’m just so tired of feeling this way. Why can’t I just be ok? Is that too much to ask of life?
I’m lost. I don’t know what I’m doing anymore. I graduated high school but now what? Student loans, debt. Everything. It’s all too much. It’s like people just expect me to know things already. I’m just so tired.
I’m so tired of everything.
I don’t want to reach out anymore but if I don’t reach out then I’m stuck here feeling crazy and crying and panicking and still left off not knowing how to help myself and I know it’s so freaking stupid I know my thoughts are so freaking stupid but I don’t know what to do.
And I say it over and over and over again. And I’m getting to a point where it’s like when is the last time I keep repeating how much I hate myself? When do I start to love myself? When will things be ok? Why can’t things just be ok?
So many people have been through hell and back and I feel so bad that I can’t help them. I feel like crap because I barely reply to support wall posts so what am I now? I don’t feel like I mean anything.
I don’t know. I’m just tired and crying and panicking. It’s like a cycle. Over and over and over. I thought things would get better.
Lys it’s okay. Slow down friend. You’re okay. Not being able to reach out to an individual is okay for as long as you are here and sharing with the community. You don’t have to reply to the support wall a ton for everyone to know that you care. We all know that - you’re facing your own things at the moment and it’s ok to focus on yourself. Stress happens and you will slowly start to figure things out. Keep breathing and keep fighting. You’re going to get through this.
Lyss,
You are having a hard time and Im so sorry you feel this way. Im sending you all the love and support I can muster. We are here for you, continue reaching out if you can.
You don’t have to answer/reply to others. It does not define your worth or necesarily define you as a person. You are much more than that. You mean a lot to this community. If you need anything, we are here for you
Pales
First off, I want to congratulate you for graduating high school! That’s a HUGE accomplishment and you should be proud of it!
One of the best methods that I’ve found to fight through periods of severe anxiety is to set goals/tasks. What does your college life look like? What’re your thoughts on attending a nearby community college? Some states offer free tuition. By knocking out a few classes, it’ll keep your mind busy and it’ll help you create new goals by striving to do your best in the classes. You mentioned that crying and panicking is a cycle for you - we want to see you break the cycle! To break the cycle, you’ll need to intervene the cycle with some healthy new habits (i.e. Exercising during the day to be tired enough to go to bed early, so you can get enough sleep and feel fully-rested in the morning. Sleep is extremely important for a healthy mind). Please keep us updated!