I was going to take this last month of the year and do a reflection/motivational “post-a-thon” thing looking back and giving appreciation about everything that has happened to me in the past 3 years and through these posts afirm to everyone and myself who I’ve become, who I am, and what I want for my future. However I only did one post (the open/explaination) and since haven’t had any motivation, drive or encouragement to do the other posts I’ve wanted to do. I have so many outside sorces putting down who I am, what I’m interested in, and what I want for my life. They all say that they support me and what I want and like but then they just as easily shoot me down about all that stuff.
I just feel so lost and alone right now. My best friend says she gets me and what I’m going through, and I know she does but she is one of those outside sorces. I feel like she is starting to move on from everything that we have been working towards for about 2 1/2yrs now and becoming content in her life and what may or may not happen. And it’s hard for me to look at my life and be confident it what I want and who I am when she goes back and forth with me. I know she supports me and everything but it’s hard for me to see it.
I also hate myself. I have so much self hatred for myself that when I do get comfortable in who I am or who I am becoming or what I want for my future it hurts a thousand times more when people shoot me down because it just adds to my self hatred more and more.
So I’m completelt lost and I decided to come here because I just don’t know where to turn or what to do anymore.
@RC20 I don’t know what to tell you to make it all better. I know what it’s like to feel alone with everyone shooting down your dreams. And what I have to say is, try to be honest. Why do you hate yourself so much? It seems to me that you shouldn’t because you keep looking towards the future. I see you have your goals, even if you didn’t follow them. Have hope for yourself because it’s never too late. You can change. The world belongs to you. Sometimes all we have are ourselves. Through strength in self you can do what you want, you can find what you want. I believe in you, and if I could I would give you all my hope and my pride but I cant. You have flaws, and THAT’S OKAY. Beautiful things have flaws, that’s how we know it’s beautiful. We know it’s strong because it accepts it and keeps going.
Also be honest with everyone around you. You probably don’t want to because you already feel alone, but people have to accept you and your opinion and thoughts before they can help you. Tell your best friend what you really think because she deserves to know. You deserve it, to let her know.
Make an outline of all your goals. Take each outlined goal. Make a goal towards the goal you want to accomplish. Doing this for each goal. (I suggest at least setting two to three goals towards your original goal.) For example, say you wanted to buy a car. (Your goal is to buy a car.) So set a goal to put aside money towards buying that car (this is a goal set towards your original goal. Better known as a step towards your goal.) If you come up with 2 or 3 steps towards a goal. You will have a plan.) Once your plan is created just set it into motion. Most people like plans. So maybe this is why they don’t support you because even if you have goals. You don’t really have a plan.
You should not be comparing yourself to others. You are individuals and will progress at different levels. Even if your friend is leaving you behind and moving on. You shouldn’t let this get you down as long as you yourself are progressing. As for her getting you…bullocks. She might sympathize, empathize, etc. Yet she can never walk in your shoes. Your experiences are your own. She can only make an educated guess because you’re both different people. Some will understand you close to you understanding yourself but never like yourself. Truth. This is why you should take what anybody says with a grain of salt. Use your own common sense. Don’t second guess yourself unless you don’t have a plan.
I hate myself too. Not as much as I do other people. (not all people) It stems from my insecurity and always second guessing myself. Sometimes it is because I believe in a lie and delude myself even though I may have a hint that it isn’t true. (For instance “Everybody hates me” was a delusion I had because I was lonely. I was lonely because I had no friends. I had no friends because nobody knew me. Nobody knew me because I wouldn’t talk to anyone. I didn’t talk to anyone because I wasn’t able to hold a conversation because I was uncomfortable with talking. So I conclude “everyone hated me” instead of realizing the truth which was I avoided people because I was not versed in conversation and because of this I refused to talk to anyone. Once I started reading books about relationships & making friends which lead me to books about continuing conversations. I was forced to face the truth. It was me not the World.)