There’s so much going on right now this would be a novel if I tried to write it all out and I just don’t have the energy to do it anymore. I’ve been abandoned by my entire family, have no friends anymore… I’ve tried to connect with people and even tried counseling and my counselor never returned my call to make another appointment. My big question I have been trying to find an answer to. Why does suicide run in families? My dad shot himself, but I never knew this until my mom “accidentally” told me years after he was gone. I’ve struggled with depression anxiety and suicidal thoughts for too long. Is it something that I cannot escape because it’s in my genetics or does just knowing that it happened make my risk higher? I’ve tried talking to crisis chats but can never get through and when I tried call them I get put on hold. Am I fighting the inevitable?
Suicide doesn’t run in families, it is in everyone. But some families raise their kids in a more positive way than others, and so they emotionally suffer less, having a buffer of love and care to fall back upon. You got dealt a bad hand, but it is up to you to make your life better. Don’t expect anything from anyone and every kindness you do get is a gift. Expect things from people and you’ll be constantly disappointed. It is just that simple. Most people have their hands fulldealing with their own shit to even be able to care about another, simply because the shitpile isso big they can’t look over it. I urge you to get up and start solving small problems you can manage, if only putting dishes in the sink and cooking/eating decent meals, which will give you more confidence and insight on how to tackle others. Grab the bull by the horns. If you counsillor didn’t call back , then call again. Everybody is swamped by work and their own problems. Start dealing, and be brave enough to ask for help without expectations, and you’llfind kind people who have shovelled enough shit of their own to see you to come to your aid, if only temporary.
You are not alone. Masses of people feel lost and swamped. Grab a shovel and start doing something, anything, because you learn best from making mistakes.
Kind regards,
Martin / ThatOldDutchGuy
Hi friend. Thank you for posting here. Finding the right counsellor takes time - I’ve been through many and I’m still trying to find the right one… Don’t give up hope yet, there is one out there for you. Sadly mental illnesses such as depression have been found to have a type of genetic link - and the reality is that depression CAN and in some cases DOES lead to suicide if not treated. Even though depression has been linked to genetics, that doesn’t mean suicide is. I won’t say suicide is a choice, because in some situations, people think it’s the only way out - but you CAN make the choice NOT to kill yourself. You’re not fighting the inevitable at all my friend, you’ve taken the first step to overcoming this by being here. Have you heard of Dwarf Planet? It’s a workbook that HeartSupport have made to help understand and explore your depression. You can buy it on Amazon, but if money is an issue you can get it free from the website! So many people have worked through it and said it has helped them immensely. I’ve personally done the first 4 chapters and it is a seriously amazing resource… I’d heavily advise looking into that. If you can’t find the link to the free copy, PLEASE don’t hesitate to message me and I will get you sorted!
Hold Fast
Kayla