I don’t want to admit my struggles

I feel like I’m really messed up. I feel like I’m reaching for attention.

I get really jealous of how close other people are to each other. When I see that people are getting closer to others I start to drift away because I know how it’s going to turn out.

My friend gets a significant other or a new groups of friends and they drift away from me and leave me until they come running back because they were hurt by the people they left me for.

With all the events that happened two years ago that I’ve told over and over again I think that time just really messed me up.

I’m always on edge when my dad is home and I hate being home when he’s only there. I don’t want to say he’s emotionally abusive but idk. Who wants to think that about their own dad.

I’ve been slacking in my classes because I’m just really tired and Ive run out of steam and a sense of purpose.

I think about doing things but by the time I get home from work and class i don’t want to do anything.

I don’t know how to make friends at work or class and I am sick of trying,

It’s like you find someone and you talk but I never feel ok around them or like I can ever be myself and i have never had a friend in my vicinity that I actually feel like they are my friend.

I mess up my words or it seems like the person doesn’t care so I just start to hate myself.

I just state I hate myself because it’s easier than saying everything.

I don’t know why I bother posting anymore because I know that nothing is going to change. It’s not on anyone who responds it’s just on me; I’m not trying hard enough or I’m just too broken to fix myself.

I’m just not good enough for me and I’m messed up.

1 Like

:sparkling_heart: @Lyss

Hey Lyss,

I’m so so sorry friend, you are such a beautiful amazing person and you don’t deserve any of this. I don’t believe you messed up, maybe just troubled like many of us.

Asking for help is not reaching for attention, no one should have to bear their troubles alone.

I know how you feel regarding the jealousy thing, my best and only friend ditched me for 2 years to date a boy who cheated on her and now she wants me back. It sucks, it makes you feel like your the second choice but you are so much more than the second choice and unfortunately as humans we don’t always recognise our own worth.

The past hurts and sometimes no matter how hard we try to forget it seems to just follow us around like a shadow, it’s horrible because by the time you’ve physically got past it your brain is still holding on. Please believe me when I say you are not messed up, hurt yes, troubled maybe but not messed up. You can get through this, someday this pain will fade, but like a wound it takes time to scab over and heal.

I’m really sorry about the situation with your father, that is really rough. No matter what we do we will always love our parents no matter how many wrong doings they do, that’s just how we are conditioned.

My advice would be to speak to any other family member and see if there’s anywhere else you could go to get some distance, if not maybe a friend would be willing? Try to avoid these situations as much as possible, but I know that’s easier said than done.

Hold fast friend,
Love Luna :heart: