I don’t want to fight this battle anymore

I don’t want to live anymore. I don’t see the point in living anymore. Everyone tells me I’m here for a reason but what’s that reason? I can’t handle the stress, anxiety, depression, anymore. No one understands what I’m going though. :pensive: I hate my life right now. I can’t talk to anyone and I’m self harming everyday. I’ve been having panic attacks. I’m really scared I don’t know what to do. People still that I don’t have to do this but I want to.

You are here for a reason and maybe it is to help someone else feeling the same way that you do right now. You ARE loved & valued. You have a purpose! We are here for you if you ever need to chat!

Hey friend.

Thank you for sharing this with us, that takes a lot of bravery and vulnerability. I’m proud of you for that! I want to start by validating your feelings, they’re real and true, never let anyone tell you that you’re just being dramatic or too sensitive; you’re not, your feelings have value - YOU have value.

I may not have a good answer for you as to your purpose, but I know that your life is valuable. It’s valuable to me and everyone else here. I know that your are valuable to those around you, and I know that it can be hard to believe that. Don’t go. Don’t leave the earth you-less.

Search for what brings you peace, what melts your anxiety just a little bit, and latch on to that. The world is beautiful and I know anxiety can take that beauty away, but it’s out there - if you just hold on. Smell the smell of coffee brewing, the sting of cold air on your skin, and the feel of the ground beneath your feet; you’re alive. Stay here with us. There is light at the end of the tunnel, I promise! If you keep fighting and never give up on yourself and you’re future, there will always be a light at the end.

We love you and you are invaluable to us. You have worth.

Hold fast, please!

You’re friend,
Sam S.

P.s. have you tried seeking counseling?

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I don’t want to stay here. I want to leave. There’s no light at the end of the tunnel. I’ve been walking through this tunnel for a very long time and there’s no light. I have but I can’t talk to anyone about this.

Hey @Vanessa

Thank you so much for sharing this with us, I know its not easy to talk about this. Thank you for opening up and taking about it with us, I promise you this is a safe space for you to do that in.

Life can seem so very hopeless sometimes, but there are always reasons to fight, always. There is so many people that would miss you if you ended everything. Think of all the lives that you touch and the people who would be hurt by your absence, your family, your friends, our community, your teachers and your classmates (if you go to school), your pets (if you have them)… so many people would be left with so many questions and missing you so much. There is no one that would be able to replace you. Our community would be left with a Vanessa shaped hole in it that no one else would be able to fill. You are absolutely unique and irreplaceable.

I know it is so hard to find hope every day and its hard to know why we are here and what our purpose is, but just like Sam said, your life has so much value and your life is so worth fighting for. You have a beating heart in your chest and lungs that draw air into your body, you are meant to be here at this moment in time, you are going to do amazing things one day and I know that its hard to see now, but you will!

Anxiety is such a very cruel demon. I know that it can be absolutely crippling and it feeds you lies and tells you you’re not good enough, but I promise you are!! There are so many people here, myself included, that struggle with anxiety and know how you feel. I know it can be so very isolating sometimes, but I promise you that you are never ever alone, you always have a place here and people who will listen to you and talk to you.

I know that it can be scary, but I would highly recommend going to therapy or counseling. I know that it is incredibly beneficial to me. They provide a lot of support and perspective and good coping mechanisms.

Thank you again for sharing this, you are so strong. You have made it here and I promise you will go further, keep it up, and keep fighting. We are here for you, we see you, we want to help you fight.

Hold Fast, friend,
Hannah Presley

That’s what everyone tells me. But I don’t believe that there’s light at the end of the tunnel and I don’t believe I’m here for a reason.

Do you believe that when you end your life that the pain will stop because you don’t exist? I use to think this. Deep sleep is supposedly very similar to death. I deep sleep a lot. Pain doesn’t end.

Dying will not end the pain you go through. When there is pain that means something is changing. When there is pain that means something is happening and when it is pain in you that means that you’re changing.

I lived for 30+ years. Everything I’ve experienced not once did pain disappear. When one pain seems to disappear then immediately another pain took its place. As in Life so in Death. The best you can do is Alleviate the pain. Yet pain lets you know that you’re alive and changing now whether it is for the best or worse only you can determine.

Quality isn’t easy. Nothing of Quality is easy to obtain or go through. Everything worthwhile is a challenge. To have no pain is to have no worth. The one thing I’ve learned from my life is that Quality is a kind of struggle so without struggle is anything of Quality.

Light doesn’t change truth. Light only makes the Truth easier to see. Truth exists both in the light and darkness. It doesn’t change.

As for reason. Why must there be a defining reason or purpose? Why must there be any logic behind one’s existence? Do you think animals, virus or bacteria ever stop and wonder about their reason?

What if the reason of your existence is to find a reason? As above so below, As without so within, as the universe so the soul. We are all searching. We all feel the darkness.

Is hope real or is it hopeless? Is help enough or is it helpless? Will it continue or shall it end?
So many questions So many riddles So few answers.

We’ve all been there in different levels and aspects.

It is fine to look for answers yet to make a decision one must look within.

Be strong my friend for what you’re looking for seems so far away yet it is also so close you will touch it.

As in Darkness so the Light.

Belief is an illusion. A false hope invested within Expectations. Assumptions lead to betrayal, sabotage & disappointment.

Acceptance leads to Awareness. Blessed Be.