Hi everyone.
I’m new to all of this HS stuff, but not new to being a complete F%$# up. Even just admitting that has taking a lot out of me… and as I type this my anxiety has kicked in and I’m in fight or flight mode. But like the topic states… I don’t even know where to start. I messed up BIG time. In my relationship, friendships and most importantly… myself. Currently feeling lost, numb, dumb and gross. I have no one to blame but myself and I wish I can fix it. But easier said then done. And I doubt anyone here has done what I have done… and that’s okay. I just want some type of positive change in my life atm, something, anything… I hope HS can help.
Hi Katie, I am also new. It’s a good start that you took up the fight, atleast here at HS. I don’t know what has happened and I wouldn’t presume to ask; but feel free to elaborate more if you want to. I can sympathize with messing up. Whenever I have, I try to not feel as I need to remind myself or feel guilt over it. Things happens; and some things are out of our control even if we believe we could have made better choices. Focus on the positive, and hope everything goes well!
I just wanted to say that whatever you have done, it doesn’t matter here, You have support with us and I hope that you know we are here for you. It is good to focus going forward, seeing what you learn from your experiences.
Welcome to the community! Thank you for sharing this - posting on the wall is harder than people think and I’m glad you did! Break up in any form of relationship is so difficult to overcome - but please know that it’s not your fault. It takes both parties to end a relationship and no one side should take the blame. We will love you for you. You’re fighting, you’re here and you’re human. We won’t stop supporting you because of your mistakes. Keep reaching out.
First off, I want to welcome you to HeartSupport! I hope that you find a sense of refuge and safety within this amazing community.
There is power behind words. There are words of life, and words of death. You will learn to believe whatever you tell yourself, whether it be truths or lies. You’re being too hard on yourself. Someone once told me that, in order to gauge how hard you’re being on yourself, take what you tell yourself and imagine telling someone else that. For example, I’m a perfectionist and I tend to be hard on myself sometimes, calling myself terrible names - then I’ll take a step back and breathe, realizing that I’m being too hard on myself because I would never call anyone else a complete F%$# up. Be kind to yourself. No one is perfect and everyone messes up from time-to-time. But just because you mess up doesn’t mean you’re a F%$# up. Just because you failed at something doesn’t mean you’re a failure. Speak words of life over yourself. We’re here for you.
We’ll let’s just say, I’ve done things with someone who (I know) should of been off limits and now I’m the disgusting human being (I’ve literally been told this multiple times from multiple people) for believing his lies. This year so far, I’ve exclude him from my life but it’s been very difficult, complicated, hurtful, embarrassing and all other human emotions that one does not wish to feel because, he’s part of my kids father family… and to make matters worse… he’s married… FML
I want to just disappear…
Yesterday there was a family gathering… thank God he wasn’t there… but his wife was. And I’ve been at war with myself since the gathering. I hated pretending that I was enjoying myself (when I really wasn’t) fake smiling (while screaming/crying on the inside) and trying to seem interested in what little conversations I did have. All the while I was biting my lip till it bled, so not to say anything hurtful or pick a fight with my kids dad or anyone else for that matter. What’s wrong with me? (I’m so angry) I don’t know who I am anymore. I don’t like it because I can’t get away from me… I hate me…
Today is a bad day:disappointed:
It sounds though. Must have been hard sitting and pretending, but you did do it. For friends(?) and family. The day was a disappointment to you, but you were not a disappointment for the day! Good for you, stay strong!
FML… today is a bad day…
I wish I didn’t miss him… I wish I never knew him… I wish he was never apart of my life… I wish he hurt as much as he hurt me… it’s so unfair… I wish he only knew, but it’s probably for the best…
