I mentioned before my boyfriend has a big temper, yelling at me over things so small and when I disagree with some of the things he claims, he cries and screams at me. I tell him he can’t talk to me like that and he says “well you just don’t listen” when I do. I said “I’ve talked to you about this before and I hate it when you treat me like this” but he plays the blame on me saying it’s my fault because of it. I love him very much…but even when I give him space, he calls me up and I’m in tears, he says you just have to understand. And I say you can’t talk to me like that, you promised you’d get better. He says you don’t listen to the past tense or pronouns of what I say. I don’t know what to do… I’m doing so well in school working really hard, I come home I’m nauceus and I want to spend time with my boyfriend and this is what I get…it’s becoming a horrible habit…I don’t know how else to make him understand this hurts me.
I’m sorry you are going through this. Is there a local couple counseling or group therapy? There is a chance this might help. At the end of the day, it’s up to you. Thank you for sharing.
I see. This is all I can do. I’m sorry I didn’t help much. I hope things will go well with you. Thank you for replying.
Oh god, I’ve been there. And I found a trick that might help. Don’t talk, don’t text, but take turns to write on a piece of paper together. Here comes the trick part. You each can only write one word extra than the last line you wrote. You start with 1, so ‘hello’. And he gets 1, 'for instance writing ‘hello’ back. Then, as your last line was 1 word, you now get two words to write. ‘Hows you?’. And as his last line was 1 word, he now gets 2, so he’ll write something, I donno, for instance ‘feel shitty’, or ‘am angry’. Last line 2 words, so you get 3 now. You don’t have to use them but you can. In this hypothetical case something like ‘how come?’ would be enough, and he gets to explain in 3 words, or less, and you go on and on. You’ll know the conversation is over when someone doesn’t want to write anymore and/or walks away, and then you leave them alone, and try again later, or the next day.
The clue is this: you can’t be violent on paper. You can only use your words, while saying the words has a lot more problems, like infliction, intonation, stance, body language, arm movements.
Sometimes just words is enough to get to the heart of a problem.
Hope this helps.
Martin / ThatOldDutchGuy
He sounds like an incredibly toxic and manipulative person. Lots of red flags. Your best bet is to walk away. Whether you choose that path is up to you but in my experience his behavior will only get worse.
Hi there friend.
You deserve a man who will respect you in every way. Him playing the blame game on you the way he is doesn’t seem very respectful or loving at all. If you’re trying you’re best and know you’re doing whats right in the relationship and he still can’t or chooses not to see that, then i suggest going a different way. I know it’s hard, but no man should ever make you feel that way. You are strong and worthy. And a man should always respect and uphold that. If he doesn’t, then i really suggest going a different path, because then things might just get worse. I believe in you, stay strong dude.
Praying for you.
You’re not alone. Always remember that. You are not alone.