I dont know if I can do this anymore

My name is Harrison. Im 15 and have been hospitalized in many different facilities for attempting suicide on 3 different occasions.I have had severe depression and anxiety for 4 years now, and its really getting tough. Im not saying I’m going to do it again, I’m just running out of options. Every time i ask for help they ignore me. And every time i try to Solve it myself i get sent away, Ive tried drugs to sooth the pain (they help) (A Lot) but I don’t want to develop an opioid addiction. cutting doesn’t seem right to me and only makes it worse, Nobody has done anything toobad to me. Im just me. And ONLY me. and i think thats the problem. I dont have trouble making friends or anything. But who wants to hang out with someone who always introverts and spends his spare time crying to himself? My parents dont get it. And you would think at this point my parents would have some kind of technique, or a way to make me feel needed. but no. I just feel kinda empty. Like i know that somewhere, theres a little dot of hope. But every step i take closer it moves 10x further away. I keep telling my parents i think i need something to help me be apart of something greater than myself. Like a sports team or maybe instrument lessons. I go to an alternative schooling program for kids like me, and most of my classes are online. I just think if I had something or someone, things could possibly be better. (Yes, i do believe in god) I’ve just been praying for help a lot and nothing ever happens. I know it’s not supposed to happen out of thin air, i just want a purpose or a motivation. And believe it or not i actually don’t like sites like these where people can throw themselves a pity party and make other people feel bad about that other person’s problems. But like I said, desperate circumstances call for desperate measures.
Thanks for reading this far if you did. respond with suggestions, anything helps.

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Hi Harry, thanks for reaching out.

I honestly suggest to look for a sport facility in your town and get involved in some good stuff you like. I don’t know if a team sport could be good but trying doesn’t hurt anybody, so pick whatever you like. Sports and gymnastics can help a lot in situations like these and it’s definitely something you should consider doing. Music is also good but it’s not the same thing. However, if you have some kind of musical talent, try to see if there’s local bands looking for new people, or create one yourself. I did it through the years but sadly never found enough engaged people to make it last. Theatre and other club activities could be nice too. Try out whatever pleases you and then decide.

Also I don’t know if you can engage with other people in online classes but it’s something you should do if possible.

Always remember this is not a pity party. Sometimes it could sound like people just want others to feel bad about them but this is not the case. Everybody’s here to help, so if you feel in need just reach out.

Love you