I don't know where to go anymore

A lot of people say that they feel alone and I know what that feels like. I bottle up my feelings inside because whenever I want to share people say that they don’t want to hear it, or that I’m putting on a show. So over the years I’ve just kept everything inside. Recently that has led my mind to a very dark place. In September 2018 and February 2019 I cut. I have multiple scars from it too. I’ve tried to tell my parents that I’ve been feeling this way, but when I try they either tell me later and never come back to it, they say that I’m fine and I’m just stressed, or that I’m just trying to fit in. So I’ve stopped trying. If nobody wants to give me support then why would I waste my breath on trying to make them listen? So many people at school tell me that I should stop “acting depressed” and stop trying to “fit in with the crowd”. I’m not trying to fit in anywhere and it hurts that they don’t know me and they assume the worst. I just don’t know where else to go at this point. I decided to come here because I know that I won’t get judged. Just in the past couple weeks I’ve almost cut again multiple times. I’m glad I didn’t though. And I want to thank you all for being there for me through the twitch streams. I don’t post much, but I’m trying to post more when I have a chance. Love you all! :sparkling_heart:

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@FaeTheProud

Thank you for sharing. It means a lot to the community. Loneliness is something everyone deal with. Whether we deny it or not. I’m sorry no one in your life is supporting you. I don’t know if they are scare to do something to help you, or they don’t know how to help you. Don’t hold anything against them. Forgive them. It is the best thing to do. There are people in this forum who are going through the same things as you do. Please, don’t cut. You are a strong person. You are loved. God loves you. If you want to vent more, this community is here with you and for you.

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I’m sorry that you are having such a hard time finding support from those that you love. That’s really hard. I spent a lot of my growing up with the same issues and spent so much time getting through things alone.

Is it at all possible to ask your parents to help you sign up for therapy? Then you could talk to a counselor instead of family and schoolmates and have a more trusted space.

I’m sorry everything sucks right now. ): I wish I could do more to take away all of the hurt you are going through. I care for you even if we are strangers. And I hope that it gets better.

Much love

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This one effects me as well especially in school. My mother was mid divorce of her first husband, my sister has server mental issues and the troubles with that. Being poor and not knowing if we were gonna eat, abusive parents. All of that and MORE I bottled up, I hid it from the world. If I opened up to people I was “too much” or “Just a child and didn’t understand” or "Being a brat who needs to grow up."or “Trying to pull attention away from the more important things” I couldn’t talk to anyone.

It caused me to become toxic to myself and doing things I regret now. With the help of HS and my fiancee I have been able to open up more and more about everything. Even the stuff that when I talk about makes me break down into tears. You can find a person who you can talk to. Either within HS, a school counselor, or other resources around or you or online. Like the wounds from your cuts you will heal from it. You will see this as an era where you learned and have become stronger.

It may take time but the fact you have opened up to the support wall shows how much you wish to change, I’m glad you did. Thank you, I’m proud of you. Hold fast friend.

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It’s known to this community that my family are incredibly judgemental about my self harm. So… I guess I have a bit of a voice for this topic. I’ve self harmed for 12+ years, with the longest I’ve been clean being only 2 months… I have an incredibly supportive representative at work, however, she does accuse me of attention seeking with my self harm because I’m forced to wear short sleeves to work which show my cuts, fresh or not. I came out about it to my mother a few years ago and she said if ever I felt like I needed to cut, to go and find her and we’d talk through it. I remember like it was yesterday what happened when I did so though. I went and found her with a real bad urge. Her response was “I’m watching this programme, you’ll be fine, go upto your room and play a game, you’ll be ok” she didn’t even check on me that night afterwards to see if I was okay. The time before that, she decided to tell my whole family, including people I didn’t know were even family because we never spoke. My dad on the other hand… He just tells me I’m pathetic. I’m stupid. He told me just this morning how much of an idiot I am because of the “mess I’ve made” on my arm… So I gave up. I don’t talk to them about anything anymore.

However, that doesn’t stop me speaking to my union rep. She calls it attention seeking, but, I know she doesn’t understand. Even though she says that on the odd ocassion, she will support me through it no matter what. She is the whole reason I kept my job. I let her help me and I help her to understand. Even though I get scared to use the community at times, I speak to the people in my inner circle, which, honestly, is pretty much people from this community.

Hold Fast
Kayla

@FaeTheProud ,
hi, please don’t stop trying , i know its hard but keep trying, take baby steps. we will be here to listen or if you ever need someone to talk to . you’re not alone friend! also , you are you , you are human you do fit in. and i am happy you didn’t cut again good job stopping yourself . it shows you WANT to get better. your always welcomed here.
-ashley

Hey friend.

I’ve been extremely blessed to have very understanding parents & parents who get what I go through. Even though I may not have gone through what you’re currently struggling with right now, I’m sending my love and support to you Sarah. The fact that you’re reaching out shows how strong you are. You’re so loved and appreciated by the HS community. Hold fast <3

you need to not give up. I know easier said than done. But with my abuse and with my health, a lot of doctors thought it was all in my head or i wanted attention since my disease was so rare and took years to get a diagnosis. I have gotten abused by people from the hospital because they were involved. Long story. but they tried telling my friends that i was just having flashbacks and my ptsd was THAT bad taht i made up that they were abusing me. what helps is focusing on those who DO support you and those who DO believe you. We are all here for you friend. your struggles are valid. please do surround yourself in those who support you and will drive you to get better and do your best.

First, reaching out here was a good decision. HS can’t fix all your stuff in a flash, but you can meet more people who have walked a similar path. Sometimes people ask us to stop talking about it because it either makes them depressed (or triggers them), OR … and most commonly, they do not know how to process all of their feelings, let alone yours!

I believe this is why Counselors and support groups are such a good idea, because the average person can’t really help us in depression and anxiety they way we truly need. People can’t give something they don’t have.

You are not alone! I’ve struggled in life with some of this and now I’m trying to help my son who is struggling as I did at his age.

If I could say only 1 thing, I’d tell you that these feelings won’t last forever! Our emotions lie to us by making us feel it will never get better. Hold fast and keep your kernal of hope as you walk through this time. And keep reaching out to the right people.

Secondly, I don’t know if you have a faith, but I can tell you that God is what made it possible for me to get through the deep dark places. I held on to His promises… And through my faith it was the only way I could find hope to ensure until things actually “feel” better!

I’m sending you big hugs & you can message me if you ever need an ear.

You are enough! You were born enough and created for a reason… Which is more than how you feel in this moment.

Big hugs :heart:

The way you feel matters and we are hear for you. Please allow us as a community to come around you and help any way we can.

I completely understand what you’re going through and have fought a similar battle throughout my life. It is so easy to feel discouraged when you hear hurtful things from people who are close to you, but just because these people are important to you, does not mean that their opinions or judgments of you are valid. If you can find it within yourself to use this darkness as fuel to keep your head up, I think you’ll be amazed by the strides you’re capable of making. I pray that you are able to learn to fully love yourself so much that you are able to rise above the negativity that surrounds you. It takes a pretty tough person to keep things bottled up, and I’m speaking from personal experience. Give yourself more credit, and keep trucking on girl <3 I’m absolutely here for you and I’m sending you lots of love!!

@FaeTheProud Hold Fast.

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You are surrounded by a community who loves you and cares for you. I can’t personally empathize with what you’re going through, but know that you are loved and supported here.

I’ve re-watched that part of the stream I don’t know how many times! Thank you so much again for talking about it! It made me feel like I’m worth something! :green_heart:

just make it very clear to all around you, especially your parents, that you are most certainly NOT fine and they need to either help you, or help you get the help and support you need.

there’s no shame in admitting you need help.

we all need help.