I feel like im about to end myself

Hi im a 16 year old student. I’ve been secretly dealing with depression, self-hatred, anxiety,… on my own. Even though I’m young I’ve already been through alot. Im not a good student and I’ve dealt alot with racism(dark-skinned Asian), bodyshaming(overweight) and bullying. I hate myself sooooo much and I don’t think i can go on anymore, i tried to open up to many people but everytime i ended up getting more hurt. I tried to talk to my school psychotherapist but she didn’t help me at all. A few months ago I tried to tell my parents about my depression and how i seriously needed help but they told me i was just making everything up and trying to blame depression to cover up my mistakes. And it seriously hurts… I have no one to open up to anymore and i can’t pay a psychotherapist on my own.
I have a list of failed suicide attempts which thankfully no one knows about, but i might end myself in near future if nobody helps me. Im scared and i don’t know what to do. Pls help me!

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I am so so sorry. Things are so hard right now. I am sorry you don’t have the support you need. We are here for you in this community. Even when things get really hard there are better days to come. It’s possible to get through these things. You are seen. You are enough. I know it’s hard but I hope you wont give up on people it takes a while but I know that the right people will come along. Maybe you can talk to a teacher and let them into this place. Your pain is valid. There are a lot of resources through heart support. Rooting for you.

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Thank you for sharing. I am sorry to hear that reaching out to people has been more hurtful than helpful. That was my experience for awhile too before I opened up to the right people. We are so glad that you’re still here with us and seeking help. I know how overwhelming depression and thoughts of suicide can be, a lot of members of this community have been there too and you’re not alone. Please do whatever you have to to get help and keep going. There are other resources besides a psychotherapist like hotlines, mental health centers, hospitals, counselors, and even this support wall. Whatever you need to do in order to keep yourself alive, do it. Your life is 1000% worth it. You are valuable and your life has better days ahead.

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Though we’ve lived different lives, I feel your pain. But in time you’ll realize that validation of the state your mind is in, isn’t nearly as important as wanting to change things; which, presumably, is why you are here. And right there, is your reason to stay… you’re here now, you’re already making steps towards a better life. That’s kind of a big deal, so don’t play it down, you should be proud of yourself for reaching out. It took me nearly 6 years of suicidal thoughts to do the same.

I’m so glad you’ve found this community, because it truly is full of amazing people. We are here for you, and we want you to find those little corners of life worth living for with all our hearts. Life is beautiful and painful, but it wouldn’t be the same without you here. Most people won’t understand your pain but that’s okay; what matters is your desire not to feel this way any more. That’s a huge step forward. This feeling won’t last forever.

Take care
Rhys

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@Helpmepls
First off, thank you for sharing. It takes incredible courage to open up and share. I dealt with similar thoughts for years before finally admitting I needed help. Please know that you are not alone. It may feel that way right now since your parents and school counselor won’t truly listen to you but I promise that we are here to listen and help. We have your back and we know the pain you are in even though your story is your own.

It hurts to know how much you are hurting. Please be gentle with yourself and don’t blame yourself for anything. It sounds like you have taken some wonderful steps to try and reach out and to get help. I am proud of you for that. I don’t even have the courage most days to ask for help.

Please continue to seek help and to reach out. You can post here as much as you need. There will always be someone here to respond and be there for you my friend. Just know that you are amazing just as you are. This dark season will eventually pass. It may not be easy but it will get better. I believe in you. Stay strong and hold onto hope one day at a time.

  • Geoffrey
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