This past couple of months have been really hard. I broke my phone which means no music at school when I need it the most. my cousin is getting married and moving out of state which means I’m going to lose the only person in my family I can talk to and trust them to listen. my grades are shit my GPA is nonexistent and I’m not going to graduate on time. my girlfriend broke up with me then proceeded to make me feel like a complete failure, fuck up and asshole. I haven’t been able to draw for a while now due to a serious lack of inspiration. I’m seriously finding it hard to see anything good in my life anymore. I used to have a vision for my future but now I don’t think I will have a future. my family keeps telling me that I’m never going to do anything with my life and I’m starting to believe them. I can feel myself losing my will to go on. what’s the point of living if you just end up alone broken and unsuccessful. I just really need advice right now…
I’m sorry you are not doing good. When things like that happen, you cannot change it. The only thing you can do is to change your perspective. Ask yourself questions such as What can I do to get better? Is there others I can share of what I am going through? What am I suppose to learn in this season? How can I grow? Am I going to let negativity get to me? You know yourself more than anyone. You have the strength to move on. Believe in yourself. I believe in you. If you need to vent more, this forum is open. This community is here with you, and we are here for you. God bless you.
Hey @Memphisreign. I understand how you feel. For much of my life, I believed the trauma and hardships I endured would affect everything I touched, would last forever, and that some of it was even my fault. I imagine with the loss of a girlfriend, your family telling you won’t amount to anything, and your grades in can feel like that too, huh? You wonder how to go on with life and whether you’ll ever be okay or that life will improve. “It’ll get better” is the platitude you hear offered by others. But only because they don’t know what to say either.
But sorting through our disappointment, grief, and pain is paramount to becoming a whole and resilient person. It’s why we push what we like to call “post traumatic growth” so hard at HeartSupport. Right now, it sounds like you’re stuck in the 3 P’s. In a book I love entitled, Option B: Facing Adversity, Building Resilience and Finding Joy, Adam Grant and Sheryl Sandberg explain:
”We plant the seeds of resilience in the ways we process negative events. After spending decades studying how people deal with setbacks, psychologist Martin Seligman found that three P’s can stunt recovery: (1) personalization—the belief that we are at fault; (2) pervasiveness—the belief that an event will affect all areas of our life; and (3) permanence—the belief that the aftershocks of the event will last forever. The three P’s play like the flip side of the pop song ‘Everything Is Awesome’—‘everything is awful.’ The loop in your head repeats, ‘It’s my fault this is awful. My whole life is awful. And it’s always going to be awful.’”
Do you feel that quote describes some of how you feel? If so, you’re probably wondering what you can do to bounce back and get out of this rut, right?
Consider the story line from the fantasy novel and movie Harry Potter for a moment. A young boy discovers he has a magical heritage and attends the Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. With the help of his friends, he faces an attempted comeback by the dark wizard Lord Voldemort, but decides the task is far too dangerous, drops out of the school, and gives up.
If you’re shaking your heading saying, “That’s not how the story goes!” you’re correct. But imagine if that’s how the story ended? Pretty lame story, right? Yet, Harry’s fake scenario seems to be how we treat our day-to-day lives. When we face things like going to the gym, getting out of debt, confronting our addictions, building mental resilience, studying for a test, or even asking someone out, it’s the all-or-nothing approach. So we never start or we try to find a shortcut to the end result.
In every great story, however, what makes or breaks the narrative is the space in-between doing nothing and achieving victory. That’s where we see courage flourish. @NateTriesAgain dubs this same space in the human experience as the “Courageous Middle.” It’s the space in-between zero and a hundred percent—the one percent to ninety-nine that’s not quite there yet, or not far away from the beginning.
That space in-between doing nothing and achieving your goal is where all the failure, risk, defeat, and potential ridicule happens. If you don’t try, you believe you’re safe from those things. By reaching your goal, you’re also immune from the rejection or ridicule because you’ve already won. But everything in-between allows for all of your fears to manifest.
One reason we’re compelled to keep watching movies and reading books is because the stakes are high. Just when the hero is about to win, tragedy or failure strikes. We, as the viewer, are then forced to know how it’s all going to work out. The tension, failure, and struggle all keep us turning pages. Without these chapters, we could not be convinced of an epic ending or moments of victory because (let’s be honest) that’s not how real life works.
It’s important to remember that just like a story has chapters, our own lives have these chapters as well. What we do in these chapters of our lives determines whether—like our heroes—we face ridicule and failure and step into the courageous middle or whether we continue to stand on the sidelines believing in a false immunity from the things we fear.
So how can we step into the Courageous Middle then?
The bravest step you can take every day is the one that keeps you going. So take that messy, imperfect, seemingly insignificant one. Starting is victory. Continuing is victory.
The more you put one foot in front of the other, however imperfect, moves you further from zero and closer to where you’re headed.
Best to you bud. Hollar if you got questions
Get out of that environment. All around you are people telling you that you’re worthless. Try to cut those people out. Surround yourself with people that support you. If people or a situation isn’t beneficial to you, it is worthless.
you’re not worthless. these people are setting you up so they can feel good about themselves. That’s utter bullshit. Alot you learn in HS at least in the states is worthless. You’re not going to use any of it in real life. You only need HS to get in college for the first 5 years. College is a different story since some people like it when people have actual degrees. Yet again depending on the degree it is worthless because most jobs care about work experience or who refers you.
So don’t give up remove all these people that are implying you’re a loser and get people that will be supportive. You’re worthy. Be strong.