I feel so much stress/anxiety with this job hunt. I was finally offered a position the other day. Yay! It is for a position that I would enjoy and the hours would be good, too. The problem is, I have a bad sensitivity to fragrances and chemicals. And this place, by state regulation, needs to use things like disinfectants, bleach, etc. I mentioned my sensitivity, and they said that they could mention it to my co workers and have them clean. Which I’m so glad they were understanding. But I realized even being in the same room and having continual exposure, on and off throughout the day, would probably affect me. There was an air freshener in the bathroom area and I immediately got brain fog and lightheaded. Not good for when I am responsible for a bunch of kids! The only reason I’d be turning it down is cause of my fragrance sensitivity. As much as I get physical symptoms, it also is a mental thing, too. As I know I will be obsessive about what it’s going to do to my health condition long term.
I have had several interviews the past few months, and this is the first offer I’ve gotten. I feel like if I turn this down, what if I can’t find a job I like in my town? I really don’t want to move away for a job after being gone so long. Or what if I can’t find a job with day time no weekend hours? This is an important factor for me. Plus, I function better during the day versus in the late evening. I am feeling hopeless right now, as how the hell am I going to find a job when fragrance/chemicals are always going to be a factor? I know I could work a job where I’d probably have less exposure to chemicals. But, then, what if I need to work a job I don’t like and hours aren’t good?
I left my dream job overseas to move back to America to help with my stress levels. But on the contrary, I am facing different stress here. While some of my stress has been helped like having more independence with a car and being near family, I feel stuck. I know God didn’t bring me back here for nothing. But it’s so, so hard to see how anything good is going to happen.
I’ve spent all day laying around, so depressed. I need to give the place an answer by Monday. I don’t want to say no and go back to square one with having to start the whole job search all over again! I just want a job and to stop having this stress of not knowing what my life will look like! Yet, what if God has something better? And I just need to hold on a little longer? At the same time, I just keep having thoughts that things will never get better. I’ve been anxious/stressed for so, so long, and now things just keep getting worse. I’m not suicidal. But I have had thoughts of what is the point of going on if this is just what it’s going to be? I would like for just once to wake up in the morning excited to face the day and be alive!