I had an intense conversation with someone and I don’t know how to help her or me

HeartSupport Support
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Severe content warnings for self-harm and suicidal ideation. All of them. I know it’s not required to put content warnings on posts. In my opinion, this whole forum IS a giant content warning. I just… idk I’m just a conscientious lady and I don’t want someone who doesn’t want to deal with this to accidentally read something they’re not prepared for.

Today at 10:43 PM
“I know I don’t rlly matter but I’m gonna try to bleed out n hopefully I won’t be here tomorrow ily all hope you feel better”

She’s fine now, so she says. 23 minutes after posting that suicide note to the #vent-and-support channel on this trans lady Discord I’m on, she’s out of immediate danger. She talked back and forth with the other ladies on the channel, and after going AFK for a bit and really giving us a scare she reassured us with: “i’m not dead rn I’m going to sleep. I hope I don’t wake up. I probably will. I appreciate what u said.”

I guess… i want to know how to listen to people who are actively suicidal. I don’t have any trainingfor how to help people who are in crisis. All I knew how to do was copy and paste the suicide hotline numbers into chat, reassure her that she wasn’t an “attention whore” or a “manipulative piece of shit.”

There were so many things I failed to do out of ignorance. I didn’t think to ask her where she was located, so I could call the local authorities and have them check up on her. I certainly didn’t find that from searching her past posts on the server. I didn’t ask her if she had a plan all figured out for how she was going to “bleed out.” I don’t even know if you’re even SUPPOSED to ask that of someone who’s actively suicidal, that’s just something that I heard about and I don’t know if it’s even true!

And I guess I also want to know what to do for myself. I never acknowledged my own wants or needs because I didn’t think I was worth it. Took me until I was 19 to even BEGIN to consider taking care of myself. I really want some advice to make sure that I’m not overlooking some really obvious things.

  • One thing I’m doing is explaining my situation here where people can read and give advice.
  • I have a therapy appointment later this week.
    *I don’t know how to meditate but I will do some deep breathing after this to slow my heart down to normal.
  • I really want a drink, but something tells me that’s not going to be helpful. I’d still totally do it if I actually had any alcohol left.
  • I want to go play video games for a few hours to escape into another world to leave this one alone for a bit, but that’s what I usually do and I don’t think that’s a good idea either.
  • I feel like I need sleep. I think i’ll do that after the breathing thing.

Thanks for reading. I really needed to let this out and people were having an intimate conversation about self-worth on the Heartsupport #real-talk Discord and I didn’t want to interrupt it with “HAI GUISE THIS PERSON IS COMMITTING SUICIDE WAT DO”

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Everyone’s different, so there’s no list of things to do that will guarantee to help. Try to understand her and help her. Be there for her, listen to her. Dark nights can’t last forever.
As for you, I would say look at yourself. Do you take care of yourself? How do you feel about yourself? Think about what you want and fight for it. Just hold on and fight and ask others around you to help you too

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Thanks

I exercise, I eat lots of vegetables and protein, I go to DBT therapy, I don’t have more than 8 standard drinks per week. I don’t smoke unless I’m offered and I’m in the mood. I’d say yes, I take care of myself.

Not so great. I don’t like my appearance. I’m just making enough money to survive, and I’m having trouble finding a second job because of the hours I currently work. I can’t find the motivation to do anything productive during the week and I feel really bad about it.

I want to look and feel like a woman, and I need more money and better insurance to do that. I spent the last 3 weeks applying for jobs and going on interviews. Out of the 4 places I interviewed at, 2 of them were straight up scams and 1 of them was for a promotion at my current job. I need a break from fighting.
My friends and family are helping me, though. They’re sending me dresses and makeup and stuff, so that’s nice.

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It’s okay to take a break, to fall down.
I believe that you can find motivation for productive things, hobbies things you love or things that will get you to your goal. For the girl you talked about, try convincing her to post on here on heartsupport

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I honestly think you did the best you could given the circumstances. Sometimes there just isn’t anything more you could do, and that can feel pretty powerless, so I’m with you there. There has to be a certain point where you stop and take care of yourself so the problems of someone else doesn’t kill you, and that can make you feel like a failure.
From what I read you need to step back and take care of yourself, get sleep, eat right, drink lots, and most important, breathe untill the pressure (I imagine) on your chest leaves you. Only then will you be able to help someone again.

Take care,

Martin / ThatOldDutchGuy

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What do you do? How can you help someone that is distraught?

I think what will ever happen if I let my own hatred go. It really is the only thing that keeps me going. Will I be just as distraught? Will I just give up? Will I just end it all or attempt to. I mean I’ve tried before a long time ago.

When the one thing that gives me the strength to live on and move on in my life is no more. Will I be still alive? I know that it may seem odd piling your hope into hate. Yet it really is the only thing I truly live for. My own self hatred & hatred of those people that have harmed me.

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