I’ve been through hell and back. I just turned 23 and sometimes I wonder how I got this far in life… because a lot of the time I didn’t think I would.
I grew up with no dad, and my only father figure in life died in 2006 when I was in 5th grade.
My mom was a single mom with three kids. My older brother who has down syndrome, my older sister, and myself. After my grandpa died, life wasn’t all too great.
Starting middle school was especially rough because ALL my friends had dads… and I didn’t.
I got by okay but it wasn’t easy. Eventually, it got easier.
In 2010, my house and everything inside, including almost all of our pets, burned to the ground. We were offically homeless. My moms friend let us live in their house and we stayed there until we found a place to rent. This was all during winter break/christmas time, too. We eventually found a hosue to rent in the beginning of 2011.
In August 2011, my sister attempted suicide. It broke me. Granted we almost never get along, she’s still my sister and I almost lost her…forever.
In the summer of 2012, I was sexually assualted for the first time. By october I almost wanted to commit suicide. I resisted the urges and I’m still here today. I was told that I was the reason someone wanted to die, so I thought that I’d save them the pain and die instead…I didn’t though That was the very last time I self harmed, too.
In 2013, I graduated high school and started college. I thought life was okay… but in reality I wasn’t okay.
In 2016, my almost four year relationship ended. I felt alone and depressed and like I was never going to be enough.
If someone I was with for almost 4 years didn’t want me…who would? If they found others attractive and liked others, why wouldn’t someone else do the same? Why were my health (physical and mental) problems such a burden to them…? I was the one living with them.
I realized how toxic it was and how badly I didn’t need him, but the road to where I am today was not in any way easy.
My anxiety and depression had never been so bad… 2016 was my worst year…or so I thought…then 2017 happened.
2017 was a year of ups and downs. started a new job, got a couple rasies and promotions…I even started therapy…so what could be SO bad??
In July of 2017 I was not only sexually harassed by someone, but I was also sexually assualted by someone else…within a week.
I also lost 3 people in 5 days in November. One to suicide, one to an accidental gunshot wound, and one to old age. THREE. IN FIVE DAYS. How do you even come back from that?
I wasn’t sure if I could… if I wanted to…but I kept going. I started therapy again where it felt like all my wounds…even from 2010… were cut open again.
I kept going.
Now, I mentioned physical health problems in this post…so we’e gonna talk about that now…
In 2010 my knee started having severe pain randomly.
Pain randomly eventually turned into chronic pain and no one had answers.
Eventually, after 3 1/2 years of pain, I was sent to an orthopedic surgeon where they assessed me some more.
In February 2014, I had my very first knee surgery…except this surgery made everything worse. My knee caps (both knees) were out of place and my physical therapist discontinued therapy until I saw my surgeon again…but he gave up on me. MY SURGEON GAVE UP ON ME. I was 19 yeas old with chronic knee pain and no one wanted to help me. So I had to see a second opinion…
My second opinion surgeon (which I finally met after a year of issues due to insurance problems) deicded to get more x-rays, MRIs, and gave me more shots… We then opted for surgery.
In August of 2015, I had my second right knee surgery and in December of 2015, I had my first left knee surgery…but I still wasn’t okay. 2016 was the only year I didn’t have a to of knee issues, but 2017 came and my knees were in more pain then ever. I gor more x-rays, more MRI’s, more cortisone shots… eventually, We decided to try a different type of shot called euflexxa which is supposed to help with damaged cartilige. I waited and waited and waited for me to feel better…but every week it felt worse and worse and worse. Eventually, we decided another surgery was needed. In August 2017, I got my 4th knee surgery, the third surgery on my right knee. They found a cyst that they removed and cleaned up some scar tissue…BUT GUESS WHAT?! I still wasnt okay. My arthritis was worse at this point and my knee pain was better some days but absolutely terrible other days. I went back after the pain wasn’t going away and again, more shots. When those didn’t work…again… We decided for more MRI’s and they came back with my arthritis worse than before. We decided PRP was our best option but we had to do it during surgery, so in April 2018 as a 22 year old, I got my FIFTH knee surgery… and Im still not better.
My life hasnt been easy and I decided to keep and Im glad I did…but Im still not 100% and I probablyy never will be.
I never want anyone to be where Ive been. If you have health issues, depression, anxiety, self esteem issues, have been harrased or assualted, don’t have a family member, have lost friends or family…or even have/had all of these issues, please know you are not alone and things CAN GET BETTER. I promise. I am living proof that life can throw everything at you, but you can get through it. Its HARD but you really can do it.
Jacquenicolee,
Thank you for posting. You have been through so much and I’m glad you are still here. You are for sure an inspiration to others. I loved how you ended on a positive note. You are for sure a fighter. Hold fast.
-Evan
Thank you for posting this friend. I’m so sorry that you were put through all of this but I’m so glad you’re still here and bettering your life. This is such an amazing story. Keep fighting!
Kayla
Hey @jacquenicolee,
I’m so sorry to hear about what you’ve been through. My father figure also wasn’t around growing up, so I understand how it can hurt to see other friends interacting with their dads.
I think that you’re looking at it from the wrong angle. Relationships all point back to the level of compatibility; after all, beauty is in the eye-of-the-beholder. For example, just because one person doesn’t have interest in me doesn’t mean everyone won’t have interest in me (or, visa-versa: just because one person has interest in me doesn’t mean everyone will have in interest in me). Beauty is subjective. Just because your boyfriend left doesn’t mean someone 10x better will find you and treat you like the gem that you are. I know it’s hard, but patience is a virtue. You’re strong! You got this! 
-Eric
Jacquenicolee,
I’m so grateful that you’ve shared your tremendous strength and resilience with us. You are such a inspiration. Thank you for letting us be here to listen and support you. xxx