Every day I wake up and it’s the same thing. Together .5 seconds, yep see you later. They come home, I feel empty. I see no joy when their eyes meet mine, I see nothing. I do everything for them, cook dinner no one eats, clean up everyone’s mess, make sure everyone is okay. When do I get to be okay? This started out as post partum depression. It is no longer that. I go to sleep hoping to escape for a while into my dreams, but wake suddenly because something has to be done. I am completely replaceable, my only wonder is why they haven’t moved on. When do I get to feel like I’m worth it? When will their eyes ever meet mine with the same longing gaze and embrace me like they had those 5 short years ago…? My relationship causes the majority of my sadness. But I can’t just leave. I wish the life we built together felt like it was fulfilling.
Ah man, this is brutal…as a mom to feel invisible…your work is so hard, and your need for affirmation and love back as fuel to keep going is so real…to feel like you might as well be the doormat they step and wipe their shoes on before moving on with their lives has to be a slow-burn tragedy. I’m so sorry, friend.
I haven’t been in the exact place before – especially since I’m a dad – but I have been in a place where I felt my voice was unheard and my emotions didn’t matter…I remember every conflict i had with my wife, I’d apologize for what I’d done wrong, and then we’d move on…we never got around to talking about my hurts and my feelings and my heart, and I felt ignored, unimportant, like it was my job to be an emotional butler, serve the apologies, clean up the mess, and go back to my quarters.
The brutal part of the situation was that I thought it was my wife’s fault…she wasn’t pursuing me enough, she wasn’t taking enough care…but the truth was the the reason that I apologized is because she continued to express her frustrations until I actually paused and heard them. I heard what she was saying because she kept saying it. When I finally resolved her feelings, I never took the time myself to keep saying my hurts until she heard them. I didn’t give her the chance! When I told her that I need her help to resolve my feelings, that I agreed to speak up, and I asked her to listen when I did, things started to get a lot better for me emotionally in my relationship, and I felt like I mattered. It was a huge turning point!
Maybe you’ve tried this before, but if you tell your family the way they’re treating you makes you feel this way, and you’re going to try to vocalize your feelings if they’ll try to listen and respect those feelings, it might make the way for a better path!
Either way, you matter…your feelings and your heart matter. Thank you for the courage to share here today.
Thank you. The most recent time anything happened, of voiced my feelings and recieved a “what do you want me to say?” In return. He left, I cried, he enjoyed his trip and we didn’t speak when he got home. Perhaps this is just part of the journey.
I’m sorry you are having to go through all of this, it sounds pretty shitty. I really do hope you can get everything figured out and that things get better. Thank you for your courage to reach out and speak up. You are loved. Hold fast
Oh, I’m so sorry.
I struggled with this for so long. I was in a relationship for 15+ years and it just faded away. For years I tried to patch what went wrong but it always felt like such a one sided effort.
Eventually for me, I made what was the best choice for me to have a healthier life. I left and moved on. Which was hard since I have nothing and no family and a lot of disabilities. But I did it. And I’ve been much happier.
For you, it may not have to be as drastic. Maybe you and your spouse can sit down and have a really nice heart to heart about how you are feeling and what you feel needs to be fixed. It’s important to go in with a loving, patient and understanding demeanor so that you both can share feelings.
Maybe marriage counselor could help? I know this doesn’t always work for everyone and can feel very uncomfortable. But if you’re both willing to offer compassion and patience, it could be so healing.
I’m so sorry you are struggling with your relationship and it’s causing you so much sadness. I know that loneliness. I know how isolating and painful it can be. I don’t wish it on anyone.
You have a friend here if you need. I hope that you guys are able to find some resolve. Whatever happens I hope you find peace and happiness. Stay strong. You are so important. Valued. And how you feel IS valid.
-Kitty
Thank you. Last night seemed a bit better, I’m not sure that we even have such resources as couples therapy/marriage counseling here. I know he feels like he has difficulty showing me how he feels, but he just completely shuts down when I mention how alone i feel. I think part of the problem is that we didn’t spend enough time finding each other’s love language before we decided to have kids, I am as much to blame for my sadness as he is.
@Coyoteryder
Thank you for the recommendation for this page. I feel like I may have found a home here.
-Rain
I understand. I married young. I was barely 19. We didn’t have kids but we didn’t spend a lot of time early on fully getting to know our different emotional and mental needs. And I think we were both too young to even fully understand what all a relationship needed. It was too many years before we realized where we faulted.
My husband wasn’t very good at talking. He clammed up a lot. He claimed it wasn’t because of me. He just didn’t know how. But it made it hard because when I tried to talk to him about anything he’d just curl up and space off. He wouldn’t talk back. It felt like talking to a wall.
I hope for you that it is very different. And both of you are able to find a way to communicate and listen. I’m glad it seemed at least a little better my friend. Much love to you
@AnonCookie Hold Fast.
If you’d like this drawing, I would love to send it to you to encourage you! Email me: [email protected]
