I can’t stop having day dreams of suicide by a noose around my neck, I’m unloved, empty, alone, depressed, and there not a damn thing I could do, even going to the hospital would make matters worse. I’ve been there once just money hungry assholes😡 but I can’t stop feeling that I want to die, even seeing the road ahead is a forever suffering, I’m only still living because there’s a part of me that just want to believe there’s hope, I don’t want to be alone, my family is long gone, and just nothing but acid and smoking weed and playing video games to keep me occupied. I’m empty and numb and things can never get better, I’m too much of a coward to even try to take my own life, I fear death, and I want to experience what not feeling alone is like, and find some peace, even after I do drugs, I’m more depressed because I did it. I thought I was in the darkest place, but right now I’m just losing control,
I understand the feeling, it is even harder wanting to end your life but then again being scared to do so. Because you’re just trapped with the pain and emptiness and it just makes you go crazy. I know that feeling all to well. I’m so thankful for this app because it helps get things off your chest and there’s people who understand and know how you’re feeling. And hey like I said in my last comment, if you need someone to be there and listen, then hit me up and we can figure something out. I know how it feels to be lonely and have no one to listen. 
Wow thankyou for being honest and real with us. You said in your thing that there is a small part of you that is keeping you alive because of the hope. Keep fighting with that small part of you. It will help you take get back control of your life.
You are not alone. You have us here at heart support. We all love and care for each other.
Hold fast and keep fighting
@Fishers15 thank you for reaching out and for being so open. I know what it’s like to feel so alone with no hope of recovering… When I found HeartSupport I was in the midst of my addictions. 12 years of non-stop self harm and nearly 7 years of substance abuse… Thanks to the community I’m 41 days free of substances and working through my self harm. The friends in this community have seen me through my worst moments too. Just the other day I posted on here with a plan to take my life wishing I didn’t exist and wishing that I never began my recovery because of how exhausting it is. Ever since I joined the community about 6 months ago I’ve been shown nothing but unconditional love - even thought it’s taken me a while to begin accepting it myself - they’ve never stopped fighting for me. You ARE loved here. And we will help you to fight this. Keep reaching out.
Hold fast
Kayla