I haven’t eaten more then one meal a day or over 1,000 calories a day for over 2 months now I’ve lost a lot of weight. I’ve avoided thinking about this and constantly trying to remind myself I’m in control. I’ve struggled with eating disorders off and on for years and I didn’t want to admit to myself that I’m going down that path again. It took almost passing out wile going up the stairs today and coming to the realization that no matter how much clothing I put on I’m always cold to see that my actions are hurting me.
Im scared though because even with knowing this I don’t want to stop. I like the feeling of being hungry in a lot of ways this feeling has replaced the same sensation of cutting to me. I’ve used that as a way to justify my actions. the thought of food and being full gives me anxiety.
I hate my body, when I look into the mirror I feel like another face is looking back at me and am completely disconnected to myself. I’m going to the psychiatrists next week and I know I’m going to get weighed and I’ve already been trying to think of ways to throw off the scale. I want to be healthy but the thought of regaining the weight seems so much worse right now.
Hey friend, i want to spend the time to tell you that I care. You are a wonderful creation knit together miraculously and purposefully. My experiences in life have shown that any sort of reconciliation or recovery starts with forgiveness. Forgiveness of yourself. You have to settle with yourself and decide to have a new and healthy relationship with yourself. If you can forgive yourself for actions and thoughts you have against yourselves then your eyes can be open the paths of recovery ahead of you. This road is not easy, but you are not alone and you have everything you need to succeed. This community is here for you and you are worth the time for us to say that we want you to be healthy.
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i struggle with an eating disorder. if you ever need to talk dm on discord @ rivermakestheirmark. You are a beautiful human and i like you for you no matter what you look like.
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My suggestion is to let someone else make your meals on your behalf and to eat with others that will tell you to eat. Also if being full is an issue. Take into account when you feel full. (time it) Then what you do is eat your meal with an alarm that goes of three to five minutes before the time you found is the time you get full. That way you still eat enough to not starve yourself yet not to the point you feel full.