I need help.. I don't know what to do

I’m always really bad at starting these off so I’m going to just get into it.

So, recently I made the choice to accept God into my life and I’m excited and anxious because I know my parents have horrendous views on religion. I don’t regret it, and I know He will love me, and look after me no matter what, but, there’s other things happening. Of course I’m going to keep praying on it all, I just… I don’t know where else to go right now.
As some of you know, I’ve been going to therapy for a while now, and it’s going really well with my new therapist… However, today we spoke about an incident when I was 8 years old where I witnessed my dad strangling my mum. She asked me what I was doing in the room. Where my sisters were… What the argument was about. What happened afterwards… what my role in it was as the eldest child. I couldn’t answer as such… I knew what I should have been feeling and probably was feeling, but, Im so used it, that, my dads anger doesn’t scare me anymore so it was hard to bring the feelings back. She wants to keep working on it, she believes if we can get to acknowledging all of that, I can get memory of my childhood back. Right now, I don’t remember anything from before I turned 8. It is all just blank - as if I didn’t even exist until that incident.
I know this needs to be done in order for me to recover. I just really don’t know how to deal with the emotions this is bringing back… I don’t know how to prepare for the nightmares, how to get ready for the chance of memories coming back more than they have been.
I just… Need some advice, I really don’t know where to go right now.

Kayla

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Hey! Thanks for opening up! I would suggest just to continue with therapy and see where it takes you. Its a long bumpy road but its worth it. If you ever feel unsafe around your dad however, you need to reach out to someone

Friend,

I love you and I’m proud of you. I believe in you.

Take it in small steps. Things aren’t going to be easy but just keep pushing through. It’s ok to cry during this time and it’s ok to not feel ok, just not ok to stay that way.

We as humans just want to feel ok; we don’t like to feel sad or go back to traumatic events. Sometimes we have to though to get through it all- to better ourselves and to get past it.

It’s not easy, but I know you can do this. I believe in you.

Love,
Lys

It’s not just sadness though. It’s emotions I’ve never felt before. Emotions I always used on. And it’s making things harder again not knowing how to handle them or even knowing what the feelings are.