I’ve wanted to die for as long as I can remember. I’ve tried twice. I also hurt myself pretty frequently. Lately I’ve been getting really angry for no reason at all and completely losing it. That’s usually when I do that bad stuff. I’ve tried all sorts of stuff to try and remain collected, but it doesnt help me at all. I’m worried that next time it happens I really will kill myself.
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As silly as it sounds those fidget cubes really help me when my anxiety sends me spiraling down, so if you haven’t tried one of those I think it is worth a shot. I am really sorry you feel like this, it is a hard place to pull yourself out from, but I believe that you are strong enough to keep going. Try and find a few people you trust and can talk to in moments like this, talking things out with someone can help a lot
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Thank you for that. Means the world to me. I’ll try it and I’ll let you know if it helps
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Thank you for sharing your heart and what you are going through right now. It takes so much courage and strength to go through and share with all of us here in this community.
I am sincerely sorry you are going through so much pain and hurt, enough to hurt yourself regularly. It truly saddens my heart to read the pain you are experiencing in the words you type. I can’t imagine what you are going through right now.
What is your support group look like right now (family, friends, etc.)? Reason being is, you should never have to go through this alone. No one should. Do you have people in your life that you can confide in, go to for encouragement, and walk alongside you during this time.
Have you ever thought about journaling? I know this seems out of left field, but I know for some people it can be so helpful. For instance, journaling your thoughts from pen to paper, frustrations, but also make a rule to jot down the positive things that happened that day as well. Sometimes it can be so theraputic to get all your emotions out on paper and help with getting through each day.
Lastly, please know that this community here in this forum are here for you. There is no judgement. Please let me know if there is anything I can do to continually help. Continue to fight, you are worth so much!
-L
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Sometimes it gets worse before it gets better. It may seem like its taking forever and not worth it, but I promise it is. You’re strong and you have friends here to talk to. Don’t feel like you’re alone in this, we are here for you.
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I AM SORRY YOU ARE GOING THOUGH THIS. 
had this before please talk to someone about it. You matter and you are very important. Love to.you.
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Hi @DMM146,
Thank you for sharing with us, I know it isn’t easy to do, and I’m proud of you for it. I’m sorry that you’re facing these feelings, they are difficult ones.
I really second the suggestions @lawrenced gave.You deserve a good support system of people you trust, whether it is 1 really solid friend or family member, or 51 of them. Also, journaling gives you a chance to pour your feelings out, no holds barred, and not have to be 100% vulnerable if you aren’t ready while still giving you a healthy outlet. YOU get to chose to share what you write, keep it to yourself, or destroy it. A close friend of mine will write down the terrible things that are bothering her, and shred the paper as a sort of physical way of trying to dispose of negativity in her life.
Do you have a copy of Re-Write yet? It may help you with self harm, it’s an incredible book.
Please know that we have your back, you are loved, and you are not alone.
Hold fast.
<3 AnitaBandaid
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@DMM146 I battle these thoughts daily. I am relapsing all over the shop with my self harm. It’s scary especially when you feel alone. Just know that you’re not - these thoughts don’t make you a bad person and these feelings are VALID. I know it’s hard but keep fighting. Come to the support wall whenever you feel this way. Join the discord and use the resources on there such as the real time support chat. You can beat this. You can survive. Your life is worth it.
Hold fast
Kayla
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Hey @DMM146,
I’m so sorry to hear about what you’re going through. You’re definitely not alone. We’re here and we care for you, and we want to see you get better!
If you haven’t already, I would highly recommend seeing a licensed counselor/psychologist and/or psychiatrist. I’ve been seeing a counselor for a long time and it is one of the best decisions I’ve ever made (choosing to speak to a professional). I highly recommend speaking to someone in-person and face-to-face, but there are also online services to where you can speak to counselors right from the comfort of your home.
I want to echo what @lawrenced said about journaling. For me, writing down my feelings (typically in a lyrical format) and hiking in nature are my go-to’s when I’m feeling horrible. In the meantime, I’ve developed the following list for myself to utilize when I’m going through periods of severe anxiety, and I hope it helps you too:
- Take deep breaths every time you think about breathing (via the “4-7-8 method”)
- Consider taking mood-boosting tablets (Omega 3, 5-MTHF)
- Get enough sleep (Go to bed early!)
- Watch/listen to your favorite comedian
- Exercise (Swim, if possible)
- Download Headspace and/or Breath (iOS meditation apps)
- Activate the essential oil diffuser (lavender) and/or mood lights
- Temporarily change music to something relaxing (i.e. Hammock)
-Eric
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