Tonight I was rear ended at a stop light, I’m fine just my should having a small muscle spasm. But I was shaking for an hour straight. I know why I felt the way I did, I’m terrified of recks. When I was 5/6 ish I was in a big reck, my mother rolled our suv down a hill. That day a tree saced my life, as well as my mother, her boyfriend, and my brother’s. That destroyed her dream car, broke her boyfriend’s arm, and gave my brother long term spinal injuries. I was lucky byt it traumatized me, every time a small thing happens I have small attacks.
Once I was riding with an aunt and my cousin and the tire blew out, I had a small/medium panic attack and she said I was overreacting. Then when my brother tore the wheel off a parked car (he was looking for his wallet, eyes off the road) I was just in shock and barely moved until I realized he was crying about scaring me.
Tonight was like a combination. I was scared, anxious, and just petrified. I have a 1999 jeep and this bigass truck, with gard rails, doesn’t stop at the light and rear ends me. I screamed and immediately started shaking, didnt stop till bout an hour and a half after the accident. I called my guardian and 911 but I was so shocked. The car behind me started to pull off so I considered getting out and yelling but I just knew it was a drunk guy and he would done something bad. I’ve never been wrong about these feeling so I stayed and just honked at him 10ish times but he drove off.
Since this happened right after I closed up for my job I considered calling my manger, he was the first person I wanted to call. But I dialed everyone else first and I was about to call him but the cops showed up.
While he took care of reading my insurance stuff/organizing everything I kept seeing things. I was having small glimpses of green, from rolling down the hill. I could just feel the fear I did back the, about 12 years now. I remembered the ambulances, seeing my mother’s face with blood on it, and I remeber hearing my brother but not being able to see him or my mom’s boyfriend. I remembered the ride to the hospital, my mother’s hand grabing mine from the gernies, and then I remebered the other car incidents. All this happened while the cop was in his car. I sat in my driver’s seat shaking badly and crying.
My car has a dent now and the truck drove off, hit and run. I went to the hospital and now I’m sitting here thinking about everything and I feel like I’m loosing myself again. I feel so powerless about this, I couldn’t control myself again. I didn’t mean to become so…childish. It was like i was that 6 year old again, so shocked and afraid. I just wanted my manager to hold me, not my aunt or her brother or my brother. I just kept wishing for my manager, like if he were there I would’ve taken control. But he wasn’t and the officer seemed so concerned about me. I mean who wouldn’t, I was a 17 year old driver who was shaking like a chiwawa and rocking in her seat. I’m so scared right now and Idk how to do anything right right now. I’m afraid to goto school tonorrow, and I’m so jumpy. I’m not sure how I can make it after something like this. I feel so powerless over myself.
-A