Hi…
So today I watched another movie that made me realize some things- so the movie was called the Edge of Seventeen. In the ending part of the movie the main character talks of her realizing that she always thought that she had it worse… if you watch the movie it will make more sense. I don’t have the right phrasing.
But anyways that’s what sparked me to realize some things.
A lot of the time I get ghosted- in regards to dating apps more so. But the thing is
I’m also the ghoster. And I can make AS MANY excuses as I want but the reality is I AM someone who has ghosted people. And by ghosted I mean leave them hanging like I fell off the grid. If that makes sense. Google can probably explain better.
I feel terrible and gross.
I feel like a part of me always wants to place blame- I always walk around like I hate people; if someone is really loud i roll my eyes. If I see people who fit a certain example- like people who I saw stereotypically as popular in school I develop a sense of hate for them and I don’t even know them.
Online me is not the same as offline.
Sometimes I feel like maybe I do push everyone away. Maybe I pushed everyone in my vaccinety away because of my stupid ego, or just my stupid something in my brain.
I ghosted a guy I liked because I was too scared so I tried to find reasons as to why the blame could be put on him.
I just feel really messed up right now. Like I deserve pain or punishment.
I sent him a friend request on FB but who knows if he’ll even give me another chance… on top of the two other chances of me ghosting and blaming.
I feel terrible.
If he doesn’t accept all I can do is move on.
Girls don’t like me, guys only like me for flirting but nothing else. But he actually tried. He was the only one who did. And I fucked up.