It’s been just over two months since I walked away. I stopped talking to someone I loved, cherished and adored. He was my best friend, the person I ran to when I needed someone to lean on. Someone who I laughed and shared so many precious memories with. He taught me so much…
But he was unhealthy. So unhealthy for me. Always toxic and negative. Putting me down.
It wasn’t always like that though. There were good moments. Lots of good moments. Moments which were the reasons I fell in love with him. He was broken and I was there for him. He had a darkness & I was the light. That’s how we were, that’s how people described us. We weren’t dating but there was definitely something there, it was just a line we didn’t want to cross.
But towards the end it became too much for me. One night it just became too much. I opened my heart to him and his darkness engulfed me. I was in tears. I was drowning. I couldn’t breath. I felt so drained.
So I walked away.
I walked away & cried. Cried a lot.
He has walked away from me multiple times. Each time I forgave him. I chased after him & I helped him. But this time, I walked away to help me. He keeps doing little things to get my attention. To spark a reaction from me. & I’m trying SO DAMN HARD not to.
Now… I’m just walking… walking in some direction.
He was home for me.
I isolated myself for a bit, to listen to my own thoughts before hearing other peoples opinions. Then I started letting people in. It’s still not the same. I’m so empty right now. I should be happy. I’ve achieved so much lately. But my body is numb. This isnt the first time it’s happened, where someone has trampled all over me. Used and abused my emotions and my kindness for them. It just keeps happening.
I want to be happy. I just want to be really happy. But I’m just…
Hey, thanks for sharing. The courage it takes to share does not go unnoticed.
I know how it feels to be in a situation with someone where you build eachother up as much as you get torn down. Especially when they want you to stay but still treat you so poorly. You don’t deserve that, you never did. You walking away probably took so much strength, and now you just feel too exhausted to feel anything at all. This feeling is natural, and it will come to pass. You deserve to find someone who treats you with the same love and respect that you give them, and it sounds like this guy struggles with doing that.
I’m not sure what it is you’ve been achieving lately, but you should take pride in your achievements. I know it takes a lot of energy to simply get out of bed in the morning especially when you’re dealing with such a draining pain like this. So remind yourself that you’re putting work into something that’s hard, and you will feel better because of it.
You are so very strong for walking away from a situation like that. Even though it hurts, it was the best choice because you deserve to be surrounded by people who encourage you and build you up, not guilt you and bring you down. I know remembering the times that were good make leaving all the more difficult, but sometimes the good just doesn’t outweigh the bad. It sounds like the friendship you had was very one sided and emotionally draining. That runs a person down and walking away truly was the best thing for you to do. I admire your strength and courage because I understand how hard that is to do. You will make it through this and little by little the pain will fade. We love you and believe in you!
Thank you. I woke up this morning to your message. I was crying & crying & crying. I didn’t realise how exhausted I was. I finally got up this morning with energy and motivation from the words that you gave me. I got up and started properly taking care of myself.
Thank you.
From the bottom of my heart. Thank you
Brisbane
Only advice I can give you , try to focus on one of your hobbies. Seek warmth from your family. Give him time to think about himself and most importantly give time to yourself.
I truely needed to hear some of these words. I appreciate you and your community for listening to my story. I’m definitely taking steps to being the better person I know I can be & you guys have given me so much strength to push through.
Unfortunately, I doubt I could let myself be around that person again but it’s ok. It’s definitely hard to keep away. Hopefully, one day I can let love back into my heart. Let someone else love me as much as I love them.
You all brought tears to my eyes
I can’t thank you enough
Brisbane
