Hello everyone. If you haven’t seen my previous posts from the old support wall, I will summarize my story. Two years ago, I got angry at an ex-friend for not contacting me after her class final because I wanted to hangout with her. I send her a mixed message, and she blocked me on Instagram. This bother me for awhile. Later, I started to have feelings for her. Both romantic and sexually. I took them too far. I fantasize about her, and masturbated. Just to let you know that I relapse watching porn and masturbation earlier, and these past days. I’m sorry for letting you guys down. Back to my story. I created a temporary IG account last December to amends with her, but then again, she blocked me. I decided to block her too. This year while I reactivated my Facebook account, I send her a friend request, and once again, she blocked me. I can’t stop thinking about her. I am driving myself crazy. Tomorrow is her birthday, and I wish I can skip it. I will never know if she forgives me. She is a beautiful woman. I want to be with her. I am in love with her, and I want to have sex with her. My mind is telling me this, and I know it’s wrong. She is not the one. I don’t want to fantasize about her anymore. I want to get over her, but I can’t. Thank you for reading this. I hope everyone is having a great day. God bless. Stay strong. 
Hey AVJR,
Have you checked out xxxchurch.com? I would highly reccomend it. They have really great resources for people who struggle with pornography and masturbation. They even have like small groups and stuff if you don’t have a safe community to battle through this with.
We believe in you.
Hold fast,
-SJ
Hi @AVJR,
Thank you for sharing/recapping your story. It can be very hard to love someone that has moved on, but as cliche as it sounds there really are so many other people out there. The more you can catch yourself thinking about her and re-route your thoughts, the easier it will be to not feel stuck in this loop. Then you can focus on yourself and finding someone who appreciates you and wants to spend time with you.
I would also second Sarah’s suggestion - xxxchurch.com is an excellent resource with accountability to help you through your struggle with pornography.
Stay strong. we believe in you.
<3 D
Hey @AVJR,
Thank you for sharing! Keeping things like this a secret is how they begin to take hold of our lives and they get completely out of control.
I walked through a similar situation with a girl that I was in love with throughout high school who I considered a close friend. I finally told her how I felt, she told me she did not feel the same so we continued our lives as just friends. Eventually, it seemed that she’d forgotten that I existed but I could not let go of her, until recently I realized how detrimental it was for me to stay on that leash. Letting it go is one of the most freeing decisions that I’ve made in my life to date. I know that it is much easier said than done, but I am so glad that I finally did.
I wholeheartedly believe that these girls missed out on us because whoever we have waiting for us later in life will be exponentially better than these girls! We just need to be patient and in the meantime, mold ourselves into the best version of us we can be in preparation for the right girl!
Love you man, and God bless!
- MS
I just want you to know that relapsing doesn’t let us down, and when you admit it and want to change, it makes us proud. Stay strong!
Hey @AVJR,
Thank you for sharing your story with us. I agree with @sarahmariejohnson and @dmilstead that xxxchurch.com is a fantastic resource to look into. In the meantime, I would recommend giving your ex-friend the space she needs to breathe. Perhaps one day you can reach out again, but it sounds like she needs some time to recoup. I wish the best for you!
-Eric
Thank you for replying. I don’t think I am going to reach out to her. She doesn’t want to see me. It is better for me to let her go, and move on. I wish her well. Just to let you know that I relapse earlier today, and I’m sorry. I will check out xxxchurch’s sources. Hoping it will help me out. Thank you once again, and God Willing you are enjoying your day. Take care. 