It’s a beautiful thing when you turn 26 at the beginning of the month and you have to live uninsured for the rest of the month. I have to make it through the month of June with no doctors, no counselors and no medication changes. So here I am because I’m desperate.
I was drugged and sexually assualted about 4 months ago, and I’ve lived in constant panic/anxiety and paranoia since. I had anxious depression before, but I’m experiencing mental illness on a whole new level these days.
I used to go to church every Sunday and find solace in faith. My assualter is from church. I lost my faith, and I lost my safe space. My church friends told me that they would help me in any way imaginable, but they’ve all abandoned or betrayed me instead.
I guess I’ve got no trust in the world, and I’m tired of living like the wind is always knocked out of my chest.
I found a man who understood and adored me anyways, but he just dumped me. I don’t want to rely on him anyways, but the abandonment doesn’t help my trust issues.
I’ve been depressed and anxious since I can remember, and each year, despite medication, it gets more pervasive and more unbearable. I just need to know that some one out there hears me, and hears me without the preconceived notion that I’m just being negative and that this is all in my head. I’m at war with my body and my mind every day–it’s the ultimate betrayal when you really think about it–and it’s not because I want it or asked for it. I’m trapped in a loop. I’m tired of it all. My will to live is just barely flickering. Can someone just walk with me through this?
Marshy,
I’m here, and I can completely hear you
I understand that no seems there when you need it, and I hate constantly feeling depressed and anxious all the time. I’m a male, so this is me support from the opposite gender. I wish that we could talk face to face, but I’m 17, in the Midwest, and a complete stranger to you, so that idea’s out of the window. The reason why I wish we could talk face to face is so that you would know from looking at me that I’m not lying when I say I understand your pain. I’ve not been rapped, sorry, just not handsome enough to most perverts like that. I’ve also not attended church a lot, the people that hurt me were my parents, and both believe in god. I constantly am dealing with panic, simply going into school is enough for me to panic. I’m unsure if I’m even going to live to 18, but enough about me (If you want to know the whole shibang, look up my story: I want to disappear… and here’s why). Just know that I will do my best to be understanding, and kind for you in this struggle. I do hope that I can help you out here, and that this site can ease your pain.
Sincerely,
Jason Mills
Indiana
I am here can I help?
yes you can, by doing one simply thing… Listen
Jason
I just need a friend who understands, really. Someone to tell me their story so that I know I’m not alone.
I gotcha, so you wanna hear mine?