I'm a bit lost?

So, from my first post to now i feel like I’ve made some good steps to better myself. The only thing I haven’t been able to figure out is this trouble with my faith. I was raised Christian and up until now I had a strong faith. It’s become so hard to believe because last year i was sexually assulted by a pastor who was apart of my family. Along with me being native american and barley understanding that side of me and wanting to. Theres so much of me that feels disconnected with who I am. The relation of ill intent from someone like a pastor or even for example colonizers forcing Christianity onto slaves have made it really really difficult to believe in God again. Along with this my anxiety has gotten so much worse it’s hard to even speak infront of people without choking on my own words, i feel like I can’t even control it sometimes. I’ve just been trying to figure myself out because I graduate this year and I have plans on becoming a musician but,i can barley talk infront of people sometimes how can I sing and play infront of people? How can I claim that I play music in the name of love and whats good, if I’m not longer sure what is? I’m kinda just left with a sourceless flame in me. Typing this out seems now kinda sounds like I’m having an identity crisis haha. Thank you for reading!

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@Ag07 I’m sorry what happened to you about the assault. Pastors should never do that. It’s okay to feel lost. You are in a season. God is with you. You will find your place. It will take time to perform in front of people. Pray to the Lord for strength and confidence. If you want to vent more, this forum is open for you. Thank you for sharing and you’re welcome.