I am positive I’m bipolar. Two days ago I wanted to just off a bridge and just die, but now I feel great. I started dancing again and I forgot how great it feels. I haven’t been diagnosed but I’m sure. I won’t get diagnosed, they’ll probably put me on pills. I hate pills, bc I tried to kill myself with them twice.
I have to take 4 already and most of the time I don’t take those, unless the pain is unbearable or I feel awful. I have acid reflux and I’m lactose intolerant plus I can’t have a lot of sugar or I throw up. It makes me hate myself more everytime I eat, unless there’s a distraction. My mood tends to be fine if I have a distraction. “There is bliss in ignorance.” Whoever said that was right. If I am left alone I begin to think, thinking is bad for me. I always get pulled into a dark void if I start to think for too long. I hate silence for tje fear of thinking to much. I’m a bipolar daydreamer. Sounds stupid to me, but I live in my head. I can’t coap with my feelings, I’m tired of hiding, but I’m afraid to speak. I’m a hypocrit.
I’m sorry everything is all over the place, my mind tends to race and I’m too lazy rn to sensor all of it.
Hey there Alex!
You know I had the same kinda feeling just yesterday. Part of me thought and sometimes thinks that maybe I can be bi polar too. Cause my emotions will change like crazy too. And when I’m left unoccupied (unless I’m resting) I start to wander and start getting all sad and stuff. The best I can tell you is that choose joy. No matter how you feel choose to look for the positive in everything. Seek the light. Seek the beauty. And don’t trust your emotions too mich. they often lie to us.
Don’t be afraid to speak out. Fear is a liar. It often stops us from doing great things. Reach out friend, you can do it. I believe in you! Tell fear to go to hell where is belongs. You got this dude 
seek joy. I wanna share this song with you
You are either bipolar, or an over active teenager. I have dated bipolar people (it’sa thing with me, I am attracted to chaos and insanity :P) and your words arevery familiar as an outsider looking in. But I disagree on you not getting diagnosed and getting help. You need help, and you know it. You just fear it, making you go into frenzy. You mean well, but you’re a tasmanian devil. So take care, stay safe, find help, with the insanity as well as the suicidal tendancies. Help will give perspective and calm things down. And most of all, don’t blame yourselffor the craziness, and apologise to your surroundings afterwards. It just happenssometimes. You are unbalanced. Your life is like walking on the deck of a ship that sails through almost constant storms. Find a safe port to rest. And keep yourself safe. It’s hardwork, but worth it. 
Martin / ThatOldDutchGuy
I agree with @thatolddutchguy1 You should get officially diagnosed and proceed from there. I’m not saying it to be mean but there is no shame in getting help. I have a sibling who is bipolar and seeing and enduring what he went through and how it affected myself and my family is difficult. I am strongly encouraging you to get help. If you are not comfortable with pills maybe there are other alternatives such as counseling. Please take care of yourself and know that we care about you.