It’s been three months now since I met this guy online, and at first, I felt happiness, but now all I’m doing is crying, feeling angry with both him and myself.
I feel like I let myself down, cause I let myself be tortured like this emotionally. I feel like this is too much, I cannot handle it. I have been trying to help myself back to how I was before everything fell. Back to how I was able to function at my best…
The guy messed up my mind, my emotions and my heart. I have been struggling with what should I do, my hearts say that I still love him, my mind tells me to give up.
He never really cared about, most of the time i feel used…
Isn’t it so disheartening to feel that you’ve poured so much into someone, into a relationship, only to watch it crash to the ground? It can be sooooo defeating to feel like “this was the right guy” and then BOOM, it’s all downhill from there. It makes you feel embarrassed that you even chose him, makes you feel disgusted that you were taken advantage of by someone that wasn’t right, makes you feel regretful for all the time that was wasted…it’s so hard to pull yourself out of that shame – especially to cause an end to it – because to end the relationship is to admit all of that weightiness that you don’t want to face…it’s admitting that you made the wrong choice, and that’s so hard to do because then you have to live and face the reality of that “failure”…and so it’s really hard to break free from those negative situations because at the end of the day you really afraid to face yourself, and all of the shame that you fear feeling.
But home girl, I want to remind you of something…you can’t read the future. When you chose to be with this guy, you believed he was a good guy and the right one for you…there’s no way you could have known that it would have ended up like this…and even if you could look back and see signs now, in the moment you were caught up in the hope of being loved – and that is a totally human thing to do…we all want to be loved, and you’re not crazy for wanting that too…instead of feeling so much shame for not having known exactly what was going to happen, you can have the opportunity to learn – what was it that you needed to prevent yourself from going down this path with this guy who was unhealthy? Honestly, what I need most of the times when I make unhealthy choices is a solid group of friends to have helped me see the unhealthiness before I crashed right into it. If you don’t have that group, find it! Or if you do, practice reaching out, practice letting them into your decisions, practice talking to them and listening to them when they tell you things that are against your own opinion…you have the opportunity to learn from this so that you don’t get into it again – but that’s not from a place of shame, it’s from a place of thankfulness…thank goodness that you get this opportunity to learn and not get into another one of those relationships, because it sucked! Right??? There’s no way you could have undone this one or known it would end up this way…give yourself some grace…and then take what you can from it so you don’t end up in the situation again. Also grace, because you don’t want to repeat the same choice now that you know. (And even if you did again…grace!!) I just feel like you could use some self compassion…truth is, you are worthy of it friend.
i did let them in to my decision making, and i told them the full story. My friends told me to let go and give up on this relationship…
But its’s so easy to say, so hard to do…every time, i do so successfully, the next day i would return back…its’s like a cycle. It repeats every time…and it just consumes me, makes me weaker(like my walls are harder to be piece back), and just makes me sooooo tired.
It just drives me crazy how this cycle repeats so often
Yeah I totally get that…and then each time the cycle loops you feel more and more sick of yourself and of the situation…
Before you “go back to him”, call a friend. Anytime you feel tempted to reach back out, call a friend. Anytime he invites you to go back over, call a friend.
Also blocking him on your phone and on all social media would be helpful. Getting rid of anything that reminds you of him would be helpful. And if you need help doing those things, have a friend do it with you!
When you don’t have the strength to do something, don’t beat yourself up about it…borrow strength from others…and keep borrowing until you develop the strength yourself!
Hey there Belle, thanks so much for taking the time to share your story. I am very sorry to hear about how this person treated you. No one should ever treat someone like this. You are full of too much love, value, and worth to be treated like that. It’s heartbreaking when you put in the time and energy to get to know someone on a deeper level to only have them crush your heart.
I can understand some of that pain and suffering. Before I met my wife, I was in a cycle of meeting women who were not right for me and I was in so much pain emotionally from putting in the energy to only get my heart broken. It was so challenging. Eventually though, I met my wife and she truly understood me and loved me the way I am. You may not see it now, but one day you will also meet that person. I truly believe that.
I hope each day gets a bit easier and that you find healing. Please know you are truly loved and cared for by God and by each of us here my friend. Stay strong and hold fast!