I'm ruining all my relationships in my life

My anxiety has gotten so bad I have pushed away one of the most important people in my life. I have been pushing away my boyfriend and making him feel horrible. I didn’t see it until tonight. I think it was his breaking point and honest to god thought he was going to leave me. I didn’t realize that th I small anxiety I had tonight is what I make him feel when I try to leave him or “punish” him for what others have done to me. I want to fix myself. I am happy. He is so amazing and if I were to lose him he would be, “the one that got away”. What are ways I can control my anxiety and emotions to not snap and make myself a distruction to others?

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Hey friend. I’m glad that you have an amazing supportive partner and I’m sorry that you’re feeling this way. Maybe you guys could talk about how you are feeling and come up with some activities together that you can do when you you start to feel like this is happening. Some people find keeping a diary on their phone or in paper of the things that have caused the feelings helps so they can recognise and try to avoid triggers. Keep working with your boyfriend and you’ll get through this. We believe in you.
Kayla

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Anxiety sucks and likes to get in the way, a lot. Try to set up a space or a habit that helps create a zone to talk about the anxiety and what it is doing. Even if the habit is picking up a $5 stuffed fish from the store and saying ‘okay, this is the anxiety fish. When ever I hold this I need to talk through my mental state.’ Try to get yourself into the habit of expressing through talking rather than actions (I know that it won’t happen all the time, possibly not even the majority of the time…) to help keep him in the loop about how you’re feeling.

Also know that you are loved and this doesn’t make you a terrible person. The very idea of wanting to take steps to make things better show that you are very shiny indeed.

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Thank you so much I’m just so scared he’s going to realize it’s all too much for him hopefully it’s not too late:(

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Like I said friend. Sit and have a chat with him. That’s the best thing you can do. Keep fighting!

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Hello friend. I’m really sorry about your horrible situation. Just try to talk to him and tell him how you feel plus if you need help talking to him about it, we can all help you.

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Well today we decided we are going to take a break from eachother so we can heal. God he doesn’t have any clue how much I’m going to him. Yes just temporary but my heart is in so much pain…

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I’m sorry you’re going through this, Tom. Anxiety sucks so much. One thing that helps me get through it is realize it is a natural reaction to fear. The best I have found is to identify the cause of the fear and go from there. Sometimes my bf can’t really help me through this for various reasons. You will hear people who know about him shame him when I tell them about it saying he is not being supportive, but as you know it isn’t easy to be a persons support system all the time. That’s not fair to him, he is human, and he has limits. I have always known I need a place to reach out and trust in besides him which for various reasons has not been easy. I believe reaching out here will help you both, giving him a break and hopefully giving you tools to learn to cope and grow. Last night I was finally able to sit down with my bf and tell him how I’ve been trying to cope and grow but it’s not been easy. His understanding was that I was only relying on him and being codependent and we both knew that is not a healthy place to be. I will send my thoughts and prayers your way and hope things won’t end here for you both. I’m sure he loves you as you love him and I hope anxiety will not destroy this beautiful thing you guys must have. I am so glad to see he’s done what he can. I was where you are not too long ago, feeling I had no one to turn to knowing it was destroying him and I and I don’t want that at all. I too have been pushing my love away with that feeling.

Know that love is stronger than this, and I hope this break will not last forever. You both deserve love and anxiety and fear will not destroy love. Hold fast, dear one.

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Thank you so so so much

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Hey @TomCuadr,

Anxiety is a beast; I’ve struggled with “Generalized Anxiety Disorder (G.A.D.)” for about 6 years now. I’ve developed a list of things to help me when I’m going through periods of severe anxiety, and I hope it helps you too! :slight_smile:

  • Take deep breaths (Try the “4-7-8” breathing method)
  • Consider taking herbal supplements to boost your mood
  • Get enough sleep (Go to bed early!)
  • Watch/listen to comedy, or something to make you laugh
  • Exercise (Swim, if possible)
  • Download the app “Headspace” and/or “Breathe” (Meditation apps)
  • Temporarily change your music to something peaceful (i.e. Hammock)

Thank you sooo much! I have been going to sleep earlier and that has been helping and I have been trying to be more outdoorsy & going to the gym everyday!

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I’m in ur boat my boyfriend is amazing I love him and he’s amazing to me he helps me he’s helping me be a better me but I’m so happy my anxiety has me by the throat. I’ve had bad luck with relationships Andy this isn’t the first real serious one we live together and that scares me more but I know what ur goin through and it’s importsmt to think it’s not real it’s just a scary thought but I know how real it seem I’m constantly saying sorry asking if he’s mad at me or if he love someone me or just tryin to get that reassurance all the time Andrew I’m afraid it’s just gonna all disappear one day if u need to msg me go for it cause I know this all too well we r here for u I’m here for u

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Thanks girl! Yes we broke up recently. It’s been almost a month but it feels longer but my heart does hurt. I know I’m doing really good tho for someone who just got dumped haha. Iv been just giving him space he feels it was all too much…

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That’s my fear but if he just left then he ain’t worth it u will find ur special someone

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Honestly he didn’t see how’s special I was. It’s hard but I’m going to move on and one day find someone who’ll see the better me.

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There you go good for you!

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Hi TomCuadr,
I am from team Out of the Ashes, anxiety can be a brutal thing as you know, I have it myself and a lot of times it keeps me awake at night. I think one of the best things to help your anxiety is find the trigger of it, confronting the problem usually helps I think. Relationships require work on both sides, but the important thing is talking, communication is essential in any relationship, boyfriend and girlfriend, father and son, you name it. All in all glad you are able to talk about it, hopefully everything works out!

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