I, simply put, am miserable. the one thing i want in life before anything else is human connection. affection, warmth, bonds, understanding, whatever you want to call it, but i dont have it. its not fair. everyone else has got it, at least the people i know in real life. why cant i bond with people? i want to bond with people.
im on another planet. it feels like im not of this realm, as if im an observer. like im so lonely it feels like im the only person here, which is a terrible feeling. i hate being so disconnected from it all. im so sad and frustrated all the time. its difficult to go through my day to day life like this.
I want to watch a movie with someone. lay on a roof with someone. travel with friends. hold someones hand. its so unfair because i get to witness everyone around me fall in and out of love and experience affection. i feel as if i cant go on.
I guess what im trying to say is that im disconnected and everything feels surreal and horrible, and its not fair, and im filled with spite because of the people who left me and never told me why, never said goodbye, never looked back, and theyre so happy, and all i do day in day out is sit by myself hoping for someone to rescue me because im so tired of trying to understand and befriend people and getting no reciprocation, so tired because ive been trying for so long and icantdothisanymore. im so sick of watching the world happen around me, watching everything around me with nobody to hold my hand and try to understand how im seeing it.
its all so heavy that sometimes i feel my heart breaking out of my chest and my ribs opening up and i feel so empty that it seems as if everything could fall in. i feel my throat closing up and pressure at the base of my skull and tightness and heaviness all around me.
im so fucking scared that gravity will turn off underneath me and ill float away, and no one will reach for me.
Hey @arealhorrorshow , I get you. I get lonely a lot sometimes and honestly people are so confusing. Don’t blame yourself for the way things are. It may seem like this is your fault, but you have a right to be who you are. One thing I’ve found about the struggles of connecting and bonding with people is that we share different views, opinions, values. And that may just be how the society where you live right now is, but not everywhere.
Another thing was trust. I had people I thought were friends leave and hurt me, and I just couldn’t let myself trust anyone after for a long time.
But I think we shouldn’t try so hard. We shouldn’t try so hard because someone could try to take advantage of us and use us if they see how desperate and lonely we are. Trust me, that happened to me, and I learn that we should try to understand people a bit but also that we can be better off by ourselves. You are the only person who understands yourself completely. If you are hurt, work on yourself before you put yourself before others.
Sometimes it’s better to be alone. Finding isolation in nature and being away from people and finding your own thoughts, what makes you happy and what makes you angry, what makes you scared.
I guess my point is don’t try to find happiness in others and believe in your own madness, embrace it.
You are stronger than all of them to put up with the pain you have. They must not be able to put up with such awesomeness 
Hey @arealhorrorshow,
My friends in real life drifted away quite some time ago. I might bump into one of them or see them at my mum’s, but that’s about it.
I’ve had friends in the past that I knew for maybe a year or six months during a course and then once there wasn’t that daily routine holding us together, it was like they dropped off the face of the planet.
And yes, I find myself wondering much the same things that you do. What it would be like to give someone an affectionate hand squeeze, or snuggle together watching a film. However, I realise that my opportunities for meeting like-minded people in real life are practically nil, and that’s mainly because I need to look after myself first of all.
Also, from the outside relationships look like they’re great, but, being realistic, a lot of accumulated effort went into forging them, and even then they’re not necessarily perfect. I bet if you had an honest talk with some of those people around you, they would eventually reveal that it’s not all sunshine and roses.
Instead of thinking on this as life passing you by, maybe see it as an opportunity to figure some things out before you dive in.
M
I understand.
I know it sounds dumb, but truly I do.
I’ve been- still am- in that place where affection is the one thing I’m looking for all the time, but no matter how many different pairs of glasses I find I still cant.
Though, being lonely is painful, and it eats you from the inside out, you have to learn to not be alone.
I know that sounds dumb too.
You have to learn to not be scared of the fact that you dont have anyone. You have to overcome that fear for it to go away. And it sucks.
Because the loneliness will keep eating you. Breaking you until you are a pike of ash, waiting to be blown away.
Someone is out there in the same situation, someone will become your new safe place. Your source of affection.
You have to stop worrying about the time it’ll take.
Hey, I relate with this on a personal level. The best I got for you is that you are worthy of all that. And I hope that one day you will be able to find people who will be able to give you that type of affection.