Insert bad title here

So I was chatting with someone from another channel and somehow it got personal.Took me by surprise, after they were calling me a liar and such, this person then went on a personal attack. This person came out with a comment saying “Didn’t you say your brother killed himself?”, I said “no, he died in a car accident, I was 10 and he was 8”. They proceeded to call me a liar on it then went even further to attack my mental health and what mental state I was in. Well it turn downward for me there. Not only was I very offended, but my PTSD of my brothers death kicked back in and I also fell into depression. I went to counseling because of my brothers death so I would not commit suicide. Now it is all coming back, reliving it. I am crying here wanting to be with my brother. My thoughts of my brother being hit by that car and laying in a coffin. I want to be with him. I am so sad and depressed I am trying to keep in control. I have the means to be with him. It hurts so much. I am feeling so low and vulnerable. I never thought someone could be so evil to say this to me. Visions of death in my head, feelings, It is all coming back. I want to be with him.I can’t stop crying, I am so depressed and with the PTSD on top of it all. I am in so much pain, so much.This needs to stop, one way or another. I don’t know what else to say, I just want to end this. Maybe if I saved up my meds… third time is a charm.

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first of all i’m sorry for everything you’re going through. I can’t even imagine the pain. But sometimes you have to think what would your brother want you to do? i have a feeling he would only want you to do what is best for you. He’s probably watching over you hoping that you can pull yourself through this because we all believe you can. maybe instead of trying to live through the pain. maybe try living for your brother. You know like living to honor his memory. he may have been young but he still lived a decent life. I hope this helps and i hope you feel better soon.

Thanks. But right now, I have no hope in my life. I want to go. If you wish to read some of my story, its in real-talk. I can’t go on like this. No have nobody, no calls, visits, nothing, not from family or church. I have been abandoned, When the time is right, I will be with my brother. I have pretty much given up. I could say more but I won’t. Thanks again for the kind words. Take care.

I am so sorry that you are going through this. Please, let me try to offer you some comfort in some way.

I personally have never dealt with PTSD. I have relatives who have though, and I know it is tough. I know that dragging out demons you thought you dealt with is tough. I’m going through something like that right now, but let’s not talk about me here. This is about you.

Please don’t try to kill yourself. It sounds begg-y, I know, but it’s all I can say. The time WILL be right but at another time. Not here, and not now, is all I can say. Suicide is never the way to go. There is nothing I can say to defend that, that doesn’t sound judgmental or selfish, but I’ll give it a shot:
I once made an attempt on my life. I was young. I was childish, and I thought nothing through. That’s what saved my life, actually. I was too scared to go through with it. But it has given me some insight on the matter. Depression and suicide are a personal demon that seeks to have you destroy yourself. Self-destruction, if you will. And it is a terrible, dark thing, that strikes when you are lowest. It gets better. It did for me, and I know it can for you.

See, the people that aren’t visiting you, don’t care and don’t want to care. But you have not been abandoned. From here, where I am, and where pastlifeexistence sits, we both care for you. And others, whom you have not met, care as well. At least two though.

I am so sorry for the life you have lived. I wish I could be there for you - Really there, in person. I wish I could show you that you are beautiful. You are special. You are worth it. I learned this in church, and I hope you do not mind me passing it on to you-
The people with the hardest struggles get the biggest comebacks. What you go through now is only a setup for something big, something you could never dream of. And, yes, God has a plan for you. He loves you and wants to see you make it through this dark time so he can shower his love upon you. And I know it sounds churchy, but it’s true. God loves you so much, and He aches for you and your pain.

So please: If you ever need to talk, I’ll be there in whatever sense I can be. I’ll support you no matter what. Your pain is my pain, and I will share it with you. I will not let you go through this alone. And I hope, with all my heart, that you can feel the passion behind my words. I fully mean them and will back them up by actions if need be. There are people that care about you, and I know that I am one of them. You are loved and cared for. You are not abandoned.

Thank you for your kind words, but I have made up my mind. I am just waiting for the right time. My real real real need is to have someone in the flesh here, in my living room, who understands mental health and whom I can talk to, but I don;t. It is all online, please don’t get me wrong. I have already started prepping, unless a divine miracle happens or an epiphany.I can’t go on days by day like this, it is eating me alive. I don’t know if anyone lives close to me or not, if so, great. I am very sorry, my pain is too great. Please don’t hate me for what is my choice. I will still hang out here until then, trying to help who I can. I am sorry, forgive me.

I am sorry that you feel that way. I respect your decision, and will keep you in my prayers. I don’t, and would never, hate you. I’ll be here if you ever need me.

I just re-read my previous post, and now I find the need to apologize. My response of “I respect your decision” sounds callous, and cold. It was unnecessary. It seems as though I was giving up on you, and that was not my intent. For that, I am deeply sorry. I meant that I would not belittle you for the decision you made. I will not tell you that what you are doing is “stupid”, because that is the last thing you want to hear. I apologize for how I came off.

I understand, thank you for correcting that. I know you meant well to begin with. All is good.

Wow, I am so sorry that someone treated you like that. Clearly they missunderstood you somewhere and then instead of trying to get a better understanding they lashed out in hate. How uncalled for. I am so sorry.

I will never understand why people choose to be so hurtful to others.

But I want you to know that I care about you as a person and am heart broken that someone was so cruel to you. I am sorry that you lost your brother. That can’t be easy. I hope that you are able to find some peace and comfort somewhere so that you can heal over the loss of your brother. Though I know we never fully heal when we lose someone we love.

Maybe a therapist or someone you more know and can trust would serve better help to you and listen. Please be gentle with yourself my friend. If you are hurting, please reach out here or to a hotline. Let people help you. And dont be afraid to seek out professional help if you are hurting to the point of giving up. You are deserving of life and happiness. You have value my friend. You may not feel like it right now but you do.

Stay strong.