Scrolling through the list of categories trying to figure out which one fits best, about half of them if not more are how i feel. i can’t handle this, i feel alone i feel helpless, powerless, itll never get better, i hate myself, not good enough, no one cares… etc because it’s all true because some days it feels like my friends don’t care. i try to express how i feel and i just feels like they brush it off. i’m starting to feel like they’re giving up on me when i’m really trying my best to get myself together and heal. But it’s hard when they say “oh i’m here if you need anything” but when i come to them it’s “oh. sorry” like i hear that enough. i need something other than sorry to be said. i get sometimes it’s not easy to respond to depression, or anxiety or whatever. but when it’s either i’m sorry or someone tries to say “yeah i feel like shit too” it just makes me feel like whatever i’m feeling doesn’t matter. i don’t even want to admit this but some days when i’m driving to a destination i think about how easy it could be to end it all. but i know i have a place in life i just haven’t found it yet, so i’ll never do it. even if some days are darker than others. but just the thought of the fact that i think these things and that i think them daily it kind of scares me. no one understands it. the stress i feel at my job and how much i actually hate it but i have to pretend to like it until i can figure out how to go about doing what i want to do in life. i know what it is i want to do. which is another reason that i’m still hanging onto life. but not being able to how to get there is what’s causing me more stress and sadness bryson’s days it feels like i’ll never accomplish it. some days i feel useless and like a piece of shit or a waste of space that will never go away. and then the days i try to be in a better mood life just reminds me i’m not where i want to be and being in your 20’s and not being able to peruse your future just starts to feel less and less like a possibility. i just don’t know anymore.
Hi friend,
I have been on both sides of the spectrum. I have been the one in need of a friend, a listening ear and something more than just an “I’m sorry” - “You just have to move on” - “Yea, me too” or some other small answer. Genuine or not, it can feel bad when receiving such a small response when how you feel has such a large impact on your life, your mood, your mental health etc. It feels like there’s this huge thing we are struggling through and you just need something or someone to offer you some kind of something and then all you get is a vague response, leaving you to feel like crap. Been there.
I have a lot of heart to share with the world so I am the opposite. I tend to often OVER share. I am wordy and lengthy because I just want people to know how much I care for what they are going through, even if I don’t know exactly what to say. But I have also had my moments where some friends were hurting so badly, that even if I wanted to help them I couldn’t. It felt like no matter what I said it wasn’t good enough. Lengthy or short. My advice or love felt like it was wrong and just making them feel worse or not the words they wanted to hear. That can be really hard. When someone is hurting it can be hard knowing what to say and what is okay to say. Or what may be more offensive. Each varies by person. Sometimes people have their own hurt they are going through so knowing what to say can be hard since they are going through their own stuff. Other people just dont know how to connect in that kind of way. Maybe they want to, they just genuinely don’t know how and so the best thing they know to say is “I’m sorry”. I think we have to try to learn to try to see the intention behind what they say and not so much on how much or how little they said.
Anyway, I get it. I often stay quiet because I don’t want to make people feel like they have to try to come up with something to say. I try to be aware of their feelings. With that said, I do have a couple friends I feel like I can go to that won’t make me feel that way. I talk to a handful of people but not all of them, as good of friends they may be, are people I necessarily like to open up to. Because I know they want to love and support me but just struggle to know how to know what to say. And I try not to hold that against them as I know they still care about me. Sometimes it’s just easier for them to be a support by being a friendly distraction. Like watching a movie together, or gaming together. Or nerding out over something. Not everyone is good at knowing how to respond to people hurting you know? But just remember, it doesn’t mean they dont care.
Friend, I am sorry that you are hurting. And Im sorry that right now that those around you may not fully know how to offer you what you need. I’m sorry that you feel helpless, powerless and hate yourself. But let me assure you that someone DOES care. I care. I hear what you say and I respect it. I value your feelings and they are every bit valid. We are strangers but I don’t have to know you to know that you deserve patience, love, care, understanding and compassion. I can’t take away the things you are feeling, but I can try my best to offer love, understanding, support and encouragement.
You are not alone my friend. And I don’t mean that in a “me too” kind of a way. Just in the sense that we all battle our struggles. Each at our own pace and different levels. And for someone one thing may be easier to go through than the next. What you go through matters. But you are not alone. In the sense that, we are here. To listen. To support you.
I’m rambling. I just relate to this so much and so my heart breaks that you have to feel how you do. And I hope that you are able to find someone that can offer you comfort in your time of hurting. That you can find healing and peace.
What you feel matters. <3
- Kitty
i appreciate your kind words, but even the friends that seem to understand sometimes it’s hard to go to them especially when i have those scary dark thoughts that scare myself. and even the new friends that i make sometimes it’s hard to talk to them especially when i feel like i have to explain why i feel the way i do and what caused it. especially when it’s triggered by a passed event and i want to share i like sharing with most people. some days i over share and that’s when i get self conscious about it and then i feel like i shouldn’t talk to any one. which is when i start bottling everything up. its hard to find a balance and i just don’t know anymore
It’s hard to find that balance. I understand. I have been there myself many times. In fact I still battle with it. Just gotta take it one day at a time. Trust to reach out when we need to. Don’t bottle up for too long. It can be dangerous. If you don’t go to a friend, find someone you can reach out to.
But that’s also why there support wall is here. So we can offer encouragement and support where we can and help lift you up.
I’m sorry you’re having a hard time, my friend. I truly hope that it gets better for you and that you are able to find the strength to reach out to someone that can help you move forward and push through whatever it is you are going through. <3
- Kitty