I've been backed into a corner

Over Thanksgiving break, I stayed at my mom’s house. HUGE mistake. I didn’t think my stepmom would invade my personal space, and read my personal book that I had kept to write in if I needed. I have had a hard time trusting her, due to the abuse my real mom put me threw, I don’t feel trust anymore. I honestly am in this state where I’m backed into a corner and don’t care about anything. I truly am broken. I don’t care what happens to me, my life, my health, my family, anything. I made amends with people I thought I’d never forgive, just to see how this would affect me, and I don’t feel anything. My best friend told me he tried to strangle himself, and all I said was “what about your boyfriend?” I’m the one that everyone goes to for problems, I have great advice, but I’m so broken, I can’t even help the people that matter to me. I had so much going for me, now I’m stuck inside a corner wish I had killed myself that night. I know I would have regretted it, but now, I could care less. I have nothing to live for anymore. I’m just a silly girl with her head in the clouds. I’m not fit for the hand I was dealt, and this is a game of poker with the wrong men. I’m done with it all. I go to college in 5 years, I’m gonna go, and never return. I’m gonna lose all contact with everyone, and never look back. The only thing I might take with me is my girlfriend, but that’s it.

I’M DONE!

Hey friend!
So i wanna start off by saying that you should be proud that you made amends with seemingly unforgivable people. That is something that is sooo HARD to do, but you did! I happy for you friend.
You’re not alone in the way you feel, so many times things just flat out grow old after a while. But through it all love yourself. Take care of yourself, i know that you’re doing a great job. Yes, cry and let out your feelings when you need to (in healthy ways), but don’t be afraid to make a change. To reach out, to look out for the ones you love. There is purpose for you, right here, right now. God destined for you to be here. He’ll help you friend. He loves you.
There is something to live for, there is more than the pain you’re are feeling. There is hope and there is light waiting break through. There is so much more ahead. You’re doing great friend. It will be okay.

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