So I started college and I am loving it, and I started my new job and I’m loving it.
Yes I do see college and my new job as awesome advancements- I’m just tired now. And all the things I did around her house before- laundry, dishes, vacuum, dust, cleaning- I still have to do that. So I was extra tired because I did laundry and dishes when I got home from class. Then I was reading my text book for one of my classes which made me even more tired. And then I don’t hear my parents calling me to do one little this they could have easily done because they were literally sitting right there and my mom gets annoyed with me and my presence is ignored basically. So then I start self hating.
I decided to look at my clean day counter app thing and it just upsets me to see only 4 days clean and not 75. Like why did I have to relapse. It just triggers a thought of why should I keep trying to stay clean.
Another thing that kind of makes me sound petty is there was a person I liked and it turns out they are dating a person already so yeah. I just never felt like I did before, now my heart kind of just hurts. I’ve never really felt this way with anyone else.
Anyways- that is my rant. Just had to get it off my chest.
Going to go finish my reading and try not to fall asleep- hopefully my brain will shit up soon.
Be proud of yourself for making it 60 days. (I think that is what you said your last count was.) I know it’s so easy to become fixated on your latest relapse. But keep pushing yourself to remember that YOU MADE IT 60 DAYS! That is a big deal, friend! Remember what @NateTriesAgain said in one of his posts. It was something like how it isn’t about sobriety, it’s about healing. Or at least I think that’s what he said. Remember that, friend. You went a LONG TIME without relapsing. Keep going! I am proud of you! Keep fixing your mind on how you can go that long, and even longer, again!
You are doing the best you can with everything you have going on with school, work, and things to do at home. Keep doing the best you can, while also not burning yourself out. That is the best you can do.
Don’t feel like you are sounding petty with the person you liked dating someone else. You feel the way you feel, and that’s okay! Allow yourself to feel what you feel, not the way you think you are supposed to feel.
You are doing great, friend! Keep going! You are more than enough.
@Lyss, I’m sorry for the way you feel. Know that you are not alone, and anytime you want to rant, you’re welcome to here. If your heart hurts, at least you know it’s still there.
Stay strong friend <3
You don’t sound petty at all. That is a lot of stuff happening all at once.
Relapses are hard to process but it was amazing that you had gone 75 days before, I believe you can make it there again and 4 days is not to shabby either.
You’ve got this. You have a lot going on, but you are doing the best that you can. Don’t forget to make time to take care of yourself.
I remember the first relapse I had with my alcoholism. I Hated myself for it. I felt so weak. Well I am telling you right now, your are fucking awesome. 75 days is amazing. Use it as a motivator. See if you can beat that record. Don’t resent yourself. I made it a month before my first relapse. Then two months. Then I went a year. Now it’s been a few years and I am really good about managing my drinking habits and I only drink once in a while. Each habit/addiction is different but you need to be proud of yourself.